Second Chances
by Bel Vezer
Summary: We're here, together, right now, despite of and because of many good and bad things ... I have no regrets.
1. Adjustments

This is my first ER fic. I'm a big Abby/Luka fan.The story is set after If Not Now. Abby has decided to keep the baby.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own it. Just the DVDs unfortunately.

* * *

Luka was on 'til six. That left her four hours to clean the place. She surveyed the wreckage. She could do it. For the most part, Luka was a tidy man and for the most part so was she but his apartment didn't portray that. It was a mess. A huge mess. Cluttered and dusty. Funny, how she hadn't even noticed until recently. They had been so caught up with each other, with their happiness, with the worry … neither of them noticed or cared what state the apartment was in. So, she was going to clean it. All of it. She didn't know why but she felt the urge to do something for him and this would be it. She decided to start in the bedroom, as that was where they occupied most of their time. 

Three hours, two loads of laundry, a can of Lysol, half a box of comet and two vacuum bags later she heard a knock on the door. She glanced at her watch, surprised at how fast the time had gone by and realized he was an hour early. Damn. She was almost done. Oh well, she wiped the moistness of her brow and answered the door.

"You're early …" she started and saw the young boy in front of her. Not Luka. Good. Well, sort of. He didn't look happy to see her. Where had she seen him before?

"Alex?" She asked, remembering his name.

"Yeah. Who are you?" He asked glumly and glanced behind her into the apartment. Who was this woman?

"I … uh, I'm Abby." She looked at him, unsure of what to say. Sam's son. Definitely. They had the same eyes. Feisty.

"Hi." She spoke curtly. "Do … do you want to come in?" She asked, glancing at the package he was holding in his arms. He nodded and walked past her as she moved aside to let him in.

"Everything okay?" She asked as she walked down the steps into the living room area. He was just standing there, looking rather bewildered.

"Why is it …so _clean_?" He asked disgustedly, looking around the apartment critically. Abby pursed her lips.

"Because I cleaned it." She said tersely, as she walked over and picked up the clean laundry that still needed to be folded.

"Why?" He asked her. She groaned inwardly. The kid was just as obnoxious as ever.

"Because it was dirty." She responded, daring him with her eyes. He sighed, as if she was the one being obstinate.

"Well, I liked it better before." He added.

"I'm sure you did." Abby added and watched him curiously out of the corner of her eye, as he made his way to the kitchen. It was clear he knew his way around the place.

"Luka'll be home in about an hour …" she began.

"I put the pie in the refrigerator." He informed her, and casually, draped himself in the recliner across from her.

"It's Dutch apple. Luka's favorite." He continued.

"That was very thoughtful of you." She replied. He was a smart kid. She looked up and saw him gazing at her thoughtfully. His face immediately hardened when she caught his eye.

"I'm gonna take a shower." She said, standing up. His eyes narrowed slightly.

"So, uh …" she continued.

"Don't worry. I won't make a mess." His eyes teased her. She smiled despite herself. He was trying so hard to test her. She picked up the laundry hamper and made her way past him.

"Mom and Luka used to have sex in the shower all the time." Abby stopped in her tracks, trying hard not to laugh out loud. She had to hand it to him though. He was tenacious.

"It's a good thing I cleaned it then, huh?" She smiled, without turning around.

She should have gone once she was dressed but part of her didn't want to leave Alex alone. He looked like he spent a lot of time alone. So she had stayed. Stayed and endured the casual, snippy remarks of his. He was clever if nothing else. They decided to play chess. Abby didn't even know Luka had a chess set and Alex seemed pleased about it. She was surprised at how good he was. A veritable opponent. And so they forged a very precarious friendship over coke and chess. They were arguing over the validity of one of his moves when they heard voices and a key unlocking the door.

"Hey mom!" Alex exclaimed and hugged Sam as she and Luka walked through the door together, carrying groceries. Abby gazed at the three of them, so picture perfect. Luka messed with Alex's hair and took Sam's coat. They were so comfortable together. All of them.

"I kicked Abby's ass … er, butt." He corrected himself glancing at his mother. "At chess." He grinned. Abby stood up tentatively. She caught Luka's eye. Nothing. Silence. She couldn't read him. Sam, looked at her, uneasy. This was not what she had intended. She raked a hand through her hair and took a few steps forward. She forced a smile at Alex: he really was a very sweet boy underneath it all, and bravely looked Sam in the eye.

"Have a nice dinner." She spoke, coolly. She was surprised at how calm her voice sounded out loud. She looked up at Luka. He gazed at her with an unknown expression on his face.

"See ya." She spoke softly. His eyes dropped to the floor and he nodded.

She cringed as she heard the door click shut behind her.

* * *

She had fallen asleep on the sofa, exhausted. She had been working hard all day long. The news hummed in the background, a siren blared in the distance and she dozed. Knocking. She heard knocking. The hell? Groggily she answered the door and squinted. The light from the hallway was too bright. She heard his laugh.

"Luka?" She asked, still stuck in between coherence and sleep. He chuckled again and brushed past her.

"Do you always answer the door half naked?" He grinned. Abby yawned and closed the door. Confusedly she looked down at herself. Sure enough. She wasn't wearing any pants. She had taken off her shoes and jeans but had fallen asleep before completing the task of changing. He chuckled again and she looked up at him sleepily trying to remember why she should be mad at him.

"I brought leftovers." He said, holding out his peace offering.

"Hmm." She murmured and crossed back to her couch. God, she was tired.

"Damn, Luka what the hell is that? Rotting cat?" She winced as she caught a whiff of the foul smelling food in the bag. It was enough to make her hurl. He pulled the bag back and brought his nose to it.

"It's just spaghetti." He said and then grinned.

"You should think about cleaning this place." He smirked. "It looks like a pig's house." She looked up and glared at him.

"Sty, Luka and you're one to talk." She sat back down on the couch. Why was she so tired?

"I could have gotten a house-keeper to do it." He added more seriously. Abby looked up at him, her brow furled ever-so-slightly.

"Thank you." He added upon seeing her face.

"It smells like you now." He grinned and sat down next to her, careful to set down the bag with the spaghetti far away from her. She smiled softly and cocked her head.

"Is that a good thing?" She wondered.

"A very good thing." He replied and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"I should have told you about the dinner." He spoke, remorsefully.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I'm sorry." They sat in comfortable silence.

"Alex likes you." He spoke.

"You surprised?" She asked, teasing.

"A little." He added.

"Why? I'm terribly charming you know."

"Oh, I know." He smiled. They snuggled. She curled up and laid her head on his chest. He inhaled the scent of her. He felt peaceful and content.

"Abby?" He asked after a while.

"What?" She growled.

"Sorry." He answered. "You angry?" She seemed so.

"No." She added, still irked. "It's just late and I'm on in the morning."

"Abby, it's nine thirty." He tweaked her hair.

"Seriously?" She asked, genuinely surprised. She turned around and checked the clock, sure enough. It was only nine thirty.

"First trimester fatigue getting to you?" He grinned sheepishly and nuzzled her neck.

"Shut up." She smacked his leg. "And no. It's not … I'm just a little tired that's all."

"Oh, right. I'm so sure." He teased, still nibbling behind her earlobe.

"You awake enough to fool around?" he murmured in her ear. She laughed out loud. Turning her head to meet his, their lips met tenderly. His lips were soft and inviting. He hungrily kissed her deeper. Devilishly she pulled away.

"I don't know." She dead-panned as she pried herself out of his arms. "I'm pretty spent." She stood up and grinned at him. His gaze lowered to her bare legs. God, she had great legs.

"I spent all day cleaning without so much as a proper thank you." She continued as she ambled over to her bedroom. He quickly got to his feet and followed her. He finally caught her and grabbed a hold of her waist as she got to her bedroom door. He pressed himself against her from behind. His head buried deep into her neck.

"I guess I'll have to make it up to you." He whispered hoarsely. He kissed the sensitive area on her neck and collarbone. She sighed loudly. The hand around her waist drifted upwards to her breasts. They were already hyper-aware thanks to her pregnancy. He merely had to brush against them and it sent bolts of electricity coursing through her body.

"Ss … sounds like a fair trade." She murmured. Her head was spinning with desire. How did he have this power over her?

She slowly turned around and wrapped her arms around her neck. She stood on her tip-toes to reach him. He crushed his mouth against her and scooped her up from behind. Tenderly he carefully laid her down on the bed beneath him. Her hair sprawled behind her in an enticing halo. He groaned as she pulled him closer. She was too delicious for words.

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**Read and Review please! What do you want to happen? **


	2. Hippos in Tutus

**Sorry for the long wait. Just been busy. Anyhow, this is a random fluffy filler chapter that's not terribly conducive to the plot ... and yes there will be one ... eventually.**

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"Damnit." Abby grunted as she tried to pry the buttons of her jeans together. Luka watched her, with a silent grin, from across the room. She flopped herself dramatically onto the bed, struggling to get the pants fastened. With an exasperated sigh, she let her hands drop to her sides in resignation. 

"Need some help?" Luka asked, trying not to let his amusement become too apparent in his tone.

"No." She replied grouchily. "I need some pants." She huffed.

"Maybe it's time to go shopping for maternity clothes." He murmured casually.

"Maybe I should go shopping for a new boyfriend." She replied. Trying not to grin he strode over to where she was lying and slowly crawled over her.

"That's not going to work." She spoke, sternly, trying not to let his goofy grin get to her. From his position above her, he gazed down at her lovingly, still grinning.

"Oh really?" He grinned flirtatiously, lowering himself to his elbows so he was more level to her. She averted her eyes and looked to the side, trying hard not to smile. He took that opening and laid a gentle kiss on her bare neck. He had just shaved and for the first time in months it didn't make her nauseous. In fact, it had quite the opposite effect. He smelled utterly delicious. A small moan escaped her lips as he continued to nibble tenderly on her neck and ear.

"Aha!" He laughed and caught her eye. She pursed her lips together in a fiercely fake frown, finally giving in. She rolled her eyes in defeat and he laid a sloppy wet kiss on her lips.

"Come on." He stood up and pulled her into a sitting position. "You have lots of clothes. There's got to be something."

"Nope." Abby sulked. "These are my fat jeans. Nothing fits anymore."

"Shut up." She groused in response to his raised eyebrows. He raised his hands, feigning ignorance. He pulled her up and led her to the closet.

"These?" He asked, looking through the racks of her clothes and pausing on a pair of slacks. She shook her head.

"You know. Maybe I could just go up a size … or two." She shook her head again at another pair of pants.

"Luka, I'm telling you. None of them fit. I'm a freaking hippo she complained as they continued to search for something wearable.

"It's not like maternity clothes are bad or something." He tried to comfort her as he changed direction and headed for his dresser.

"All those maternity clothes are so damn frilly and poofy and ... and perky! Then I'd just look like a hippo in a tutu!"

"You look beautiful in anything." He continued.

"Says you." She replied glumly.

"What? Well, you do." He replied earnestly.

"Considering, your favorite activity seems to be taking my clothes _off_, forgive me if I'm not completely receptive to your opinion on the matter." He chuckled. She did have a point.

"I wouldn't want to take them off if you didn't look so beautiful … hey! What about these?" He asked, pulling out a pair of folded jeans that were hidden beneath some of his clothes. He tossed them to her.

"These aren't mine." She spoke after holding them up. They were a size six, boot cut, very low rise jeans. She raised her eyebrows at Luka as he stared at her blankly.

"Uh … well, try them on." He ran a hand through his hair a little nervously. Rolling her eyes, she peeled off her pants and pulled on the mystery jeans. They were made of a slightly stretchy jean material and they clung to her thighs snuggly but thanks to their low-rise nature, fastened easily underneath her slight bump.

"See? They fit." He informed her off-handedly and sat down, pulling on his socks.

"So? They're not mine." She stated, tugging awkwardly at the belt loops.

"They're clean." He reasoned.

"Luka." She dead-panned. He looked up her shrugging.

"They're probably just Sam's or something." He replied defensively. Exasperated, she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, and that makes it all better? I'm not wearing your ex-girlfriend's pants!"

"Well, none of _your_ clothes fit." He explained logically.

"Luka." Again, she could not believe what he was suggesting.

"Well, they don't."

"Gee, thanks for pointing that out. I hadn't noticed." She snapped, irritated.

"Abby." He added, more tenderly and rose, taking her by the shoulders.

"We'll go shopping this weekend okay? You don't have to buy maternity clothes if you don't want to." He gazed earnestly into her eyes.

"But in the mean time, can you please just wear the pants?" His big green eyes, pleaded with her silently to just acquiesce.

"Fine." She muttered, giving in. She never could say no to those eyes. "But don't think I'm letting you off the hook for keeping these." She chastised him sweetly.

* * *

"Abby?" He called excitedly as he hurried in the front door. Hanging up his coat he continued to beckon her. 

"Abby!" He heard a toilet flush and with a grin, and slight swagger to his step bounded through the apartment

"There you are." He exclaimed happily. Lying on the bathroom floor in fetal position, wrapped in his bathrobe lay Abby miserably.

"I have something to show you!" He continued excitedly and took a spot on the floor next to her.

"Shhh! Can't you see I'm wallowing in my own misery?" She retorted, not enjoying his good humor.

"I got you something! I think you'll like it." He continued, settling himself comfortably.

"I doubt it. Thalidomide's sounding pretty good at the moment though." She was in a rather foul mood but that didn't deter Luka's enthusiasm.

"Godamnit, Luka." Abby breathed heavily. "I'm thirteen weeks. Shouldn't this be easing up by now?" She scrambled to her knees and weakly retched into the toilet. Instead of easing up, her morning sickness seemed to be getting worse as she entered her second trimester. Luka, supported her from behind and tenderly wiped her moistened brow.

"Ideally." He spoke softly. "But every woman's body is different." He continued. Abby groaned as another wave of nausea consumed her.

"Maybe you're having twins." He said sweetly.

"Oh, god." Abby groaned. "Don't even joke. That's not funny." It really wasn't. She finally collapsed backwards into his arms, exhausted. Luka, held her patiently, waiting until she was ready to stand up.

"You don't really think …?" Abby began.

"No." Luka spoke, unconvincingly. Though it was definitely a possibility. Being over thirty-five, she was at a higher risk for a multiple pregnancy and the unusual severity of her morning sickness was a warning flag. He though it best not to point that out though. He waited a few moments and spoke again.

"So ...don't you wanna know what it is?"

"Nope."

"Come on. Guess!"

"A beanie baby?"

"A beanie who …?"

"Never mind."

"Guess again."

"A bobble head."

"What?"

"Luka." She whined, loosing her patience.

"Fine. Fine, I'll just show you."

"I'm not getting up."

"You can't stay here forever."

"Watch me."

"Come on Abby." He grinned at her seductively and caressed her head.

"Do what you will but I'm not moving."

After more relentless coaxing and a few bribes, including but not limited to chocolate mousse massages Luka managed to get Abby up, her teeth brushed and sitting cross legged on the bed. He couldn't help but notice that she wasn't wearing anything underneath his bathrobe. Perfect. He stood at the foot of the bed excitedly.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

He grabbed the large dark bag he had brought in and plucked out a smaller pink one.

"Victoria's Secret?" Abby cried incredulously. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Just wait." Luka muttered. Reaching in he pulled out a black lace bra and matching panties. Grinning he looked at Abby expectantly. Mouth agape she glared at him.

"No way. You seriously … I was comfortable! And you got me up for that?" She was fuming. Men. They could be so damn insensitive and single minded.

"But … well, I got something else!" He stammered trying to salvage the situation. Fumbling in the larger bag he finally managed to pull it out.

"A camera!" He beamed, looking incredibly pleased with himself. Sure enough, in his hand he held a Polaroid camera. Abby glared at him, spewing anger from her eyes. Speechless. She was speechless with fury.

"Uh … unbelievable!" She bellowed.

"Wha … I thought you'd like it." He stammered. This was not going how he had pictured it.

"I'm glad you think so highly of me!" She untangled herself from the covers and stomped to the closet. She needed to get away from him.

"Bu … but! I thought it'd be cool."

"Obviously." She stomped towards the closet.

"We could enjoy it together." She stopped dead in her tracks. Realizing she was wearing his robe she ripped it off herself and threw it at him.

"Enjoy that. Asshole." Huffing she marched stark naked into the closet. Bewildered, Luka followed her with his eyes. Confusedly, he continued.

"But it could go in that baby book you got."

"What?" Abby turned around, throwing her hands in the air.

"To show how it's development …" he trailed off. His eyebrows furled and very confused.

"What are you talking about?" Abby angrily crossed her arms oblivious to her nakedness.

"Well … you know … how the baby grows …" She raised her eyebrows, peeved and quizzical.

" … for the baby book …. your belly …"

"Luka …"

"Look, if you don't want to do it … I'm sorry. It sounded like a good idea." He stammered, lowering his eyes and fiddling with the lace in his hand. Cocking her head to the side, she sighed.

"Luka …" her voice softer this time. "You want to take pictures of my belly for the baby book?" He raised his eyes to meet hers.

"Yeah." He replied obviously. That's what he'd been saying all along. She laughed out loud.

"Oh!" Giggling she sidled up to him. "Well, that's different." She stopped in front of him smiling. He couldn't help but notice how very naked she was.

"What did you think?" He asked, beginning to feel much more hopeful. She threw her head back, guffawing.

"Luka." She giggled, taking the lingerie out of his hand. "Lacy lingerie … and a Polaroid camera." She grinned. "What the hell was I supposed to think?" She raised her eyebrows at him. His eyes widened and she laughed again.

"Oh!" He breathed.

"Yeah!" He laughed and pulled her into his arms.

"I like your idea better." He growled into her ear.

"I bet." She teased playfully.

"All you need are handcuffs and a whip and you could sign me up for S&M classes instead of prenatal yoga." She continued, jesting.

"No, but seriously Luka." She tore herself away from the comfort of his body and looked up into his eyes. "That was very sweet." She laid a small kiss on his lips. "Thank you." Leaning into her, he kissed her again.

"Hmm … welcome." He murmured into her lips and closed his eyes letting himself drown willingly in her arms.

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**So? What do you think? Read and Review Please! **


	3. It's All Relative

**Hey, all. Sorry for the long delay. I've been having baby issues of my own. ; ) Anyway, here's another chapter. The next update should be much more prompt. I hope you all like it! It's much more dialogue than I'm used to writing so I hope it's not too ... well, _bad_.  
Since I'm omnipotent in my own fanfiction world, I've cast Holly Marie Combs to play the character of Iris. Also, someone mentioned Alex earlier and he will be back later but I thought I should mention that in my head he's still portrayed by Oliver Davis. Alex 2.0 is a completely different character IMO and I'm choosing to ignore his existence.  
**

* * *

"Luka!" She squealed as she felt his hand slide up the inside of her thigh. He looked up at her through torrents of water and grinned. Reluctantly he stood and she laughed as he pouted slightly. They had been in the shower for over a half an hour and she still wasn't any cleaner. In fact, Luka had done his very best to make sure of that she was very dirty. 

"Luka, I'm going to be late for work." She half murmured as he began to caress her skin with a loofah.

"I have a feeling your boss won't mind." He breathed into her ear. Closing her eyes she let herself slide deeper into his arms. Gently, he sucked on her neck and slid a bar of soap up across her torso and slid it between her breasts. It was all she could do not to give in.

"Loooh …ka." She stammered. "We're running out of hot water." He sighed deeply and nodded. She turned around and smiled. Nodding in resignation he handed her the soap.

"I'll make breakfast." He muttered and took her into his arms for a last reluctant kiss.

* * *

"Ouch." Luka winced and sucked his finger where he had singed it on the pan. He was cooking chocolate chip and banana pancakes. It was a new favorite of Abby's. Chocolate was her Achilles heal. It was all she ever wanted to eat. In a pinch, any sweets would do though so he made sure to stock up on lots of fruit. In fact, unbeknownst to her he was very meticulous about what he bought at the store. He figured that the more healthy food there was in the apartment the more likely Abby was to eat some of it. So far, it was working fairly decently. Humming while he cooked, Luka paused as he heard a noise. After a moment he realized someone was knocking on the door. Puzzled he moved the pan to a different unit and hurried to answer the door. 

Dressed in only a pair of shorts and his towel draped around his neck, with his damp hair slightly curled, he looked every bit the Greek God. She looked up at him, eyes wide, obviously not expecting him.

"May I help you?" He asked, looking down at this woman curiously. Se looked vaguely familiar. Very petite with long chestnut locks and big amber eyes, she was rather striking and relatively young. She looked about thirty. The woman, stammered, nervous.

"Well … uh, I … I don't think so." Looking down at the paper in her hand she shook her head.

"I must have the wrong address." She murmured, embarrassed.

"I'm looking for Dr. Lockhart." She raised her eyebrows hopefully.

"Oh!." The man grinned. "You got the right place … uh" he half turned back and looked into the apartment.

"She's sort of busy right now … Is she expecting you?"

"Should be." The woman replied, relieved.

"Uh, do you want to come in?" He asked graciously.

"She should be out in a minute."

For a moment, she hesitated, nervous. This was it. The last on her list.

"Uh, yeah, if that's alright." She still remained a little unsure.

"Oh yeah, it's no problem." Stepping aside he let her into the darkened apartment. "I was just fixing some breakfast." He strode quickly through the room.

"Breakfast?" She asked confused and looked around and her surroundings curiously.

"Oh!" He chuckled slightly and continued to talk as he spoke. "We're on nights right now so my stomach clock is all off." He motioned his hands in a circle indicating jumbling. She grinned slightly. This man was incredibly charming. The accent, what was it? Russian? Just accentuated it. He seemed oblivious to his near nakedness and she felt her cheeks redden as he turned around and she caught a wonderful shot of his ass. Suddenly, he spun around and she felt like she had been caught.

"I'm sorry, I'm Luka." He extended his arm to hers. She grasped his hand and was amazed at how warm and firm is embrace was.

"Iris." She replied, after a pause. "Iris Stratton."

"How do you know Abby?" He asked off-handedly, letting go of her hand all too soon and plucking pancakes off of a plate.

"Oh, … I don't really." She muttered. His eyebrows furled, obviously confused and he gazed at her quizzically.

"I, well …" She paused, not knowing what and how to say it.

"Hey, Luka do you think you can check my back? I have this bug bite on my back and it's really …" Abby shuffled down the hall towards the kitchen, busy toweling her hair dry but stopped dead in her tracks as she saw the woman standing there. She gasped slightly and instinctively, she brought the towel to her chin, covering her bare chest. She had merely wrapped the other one around her waist but other than that she was essentially naked. The other woman averted her eyes clearly embarrassed.

"I'm s-s-sorry." She stammered, still staring off to the side and down at the floor.

"Wh-what …?" Abby asked nervously, her eyes wide and searching Luka's for answers. He was suppressing a laugh. The look on Abby's face had been priceless.

"Uh .." He strode over to Abby, separating her from the stranger.

"This is Iris, Iris ….?" He trailed off not remembering.

"Stratton." The woman answered still avoiding Abby's gaze.

"Hi." Abby replied curtly.

"She says you were expecting her …" Luka murmured at her.

"What?" Abby asked and shot the strange woman an accusing look.

"Hey, why don't you go get dressed?" He whispered softly. "I made breakfast." He nodded towards the food "… but uh, shirts and shoes are required." He grinned at her and Abby smiled despite herself. Rolling her eyes and grinning she nodded her head and turned around, still clutching both towels to her body.

"I'm really sorry." Iris, stood as Abby entered the kitchen again, this time in jeans and a loose t-shirt.

"Maggie said she called, I … just …" She stammered, apologetic and embarrassed.

"It's okay. Whatever." Abby muttered, raking her hand through her wet hair.

"Actually. She did call." Luka spoke. He was holding the phone in his hand.

"Several times." He handed the phone to Abby indicating the caller ID where Maggie's number showed up several times over the past few days. Abby sighed and sat down.

"I haven't been home in a while." She explained.

"So, how can I help you?" She asked formally.

"Oh!" Iris looked very uncomfortable. She looked to Luka and then sat down.

"So … you don't know why I'm here then …?" Abby shook her head. Hadn't they just established that she never got Maggie's call?

"Well, it's kind of complicated." Iris continued to stammer.

"Okay …" Abby urged her slightly impatient.

"I have a son, Dylan." Iris continued and began shuffling through her purse. She pulled out her wallet and slid a picture of a little boy over to Abby.

"He's four." Iris continued as Abby looked down at the picture of the adorable child. He was small with dark hair and big blue eyes.

"Well, four and a half really." Iris was nervously tapping her foot on the floor.

"He's beautiful." Luka spoke softly, looking at the picture over Abby's shoulder.

"Thank you." Iris smiled softly, gratefully.

"Anyway, about a year and a half ago he was diagnosed with ALL." At this Abby and Luka looked up at her and saw that the woman was fighting back tears.

"It's uh, Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia a form of cancer …" She looked up and saw Abby and Luka nodding.

"That's right, you're doctors … well, he's gone through several rounds of chemotherapy and is currently in remission. Thank god but uh, he really needs a bone marrow transplant to ensure he stays that way." She paused to look up at the couple sitting in front her. They seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say, so why was she so nervous?

"Anyway, my husband and I were tested immediately but we're not matches. We've had all of my husband's family tested but to no avail. It's uh, it's been really hard. We, we actually considered trying for another baby just to provide a match but … uh … well ..." She paused, trying to calm her breathing.

"When we realized that the greatest chance of finding a match was in our immediate family, I contacted a private investigator to find my biological family. You see, I was adopted shortly after birth … anyway, that led us here."

"I'm sorry, what?" Abby asked, confused.

"Well, I had never really been interested in finding my birth family but uh, this obviously changed that. Anyway, the road led to Maggie, my birth mother, and now you."

"Excuse me?" Abby was very confused.

"Maggie put me up for adoption after I was born so that makes you my biological sister." Iris explained tersely. Abby's eyes widened in shock.

"I know, it's really a bizarre situation but I guess, the reason I'm here is to ask you if you would be willing to be tested to see if you're a bone marrow match."

"Oh … my." Abby breathed.

"Maggie's already been tested." Iris continued. "And Eric is trying to find a way to get some leave as well."

"You talked to Eric?" Abby asked amazed.

"Yeah." The woman nodded. "Like I said, you're pretty much the end of the line." She sighed and gazed at the picture of her little boy. "We don't really have any options after this."

"Wow." Abby breathed and stood up absently. "I'm sorry, this is just a lot to … absorb." She paced slightly. Iris nodded, understanding.

"Maggie …. Maggie put you up for adoption?" Abby asked, disbelievingly. Iris nodded.

"When?" She asked.

"Uh … 1975." Iris replied, glancing worriedly at Luka. Abby shook her head, trying to make sense of it all.

"That … that doesn't make any sense … I don't remember her ever being pregnant." Abby muttered still trying to wrap her head around it all.

"Well, to be fair, you were what? Six?" Luka offered. Abby looked at him as if she had forgotten he was in the room.

"Maggie said I was born after your father left." Iris continued. Abby felt a surge of anger inside of her.

"I was seven then." Abby muttered flatly. She walked over to the table again.

"I can't believe she never told me. I can't … believe I didn't know."

"Well, from what she told me, it was a very difficult decision for her to make. You were very young. As was Eric. I'm sure she was just trying to protect you." Iris suggested.

"Yeah, right." Abby laughed caustically. This woman obviously didn't know Maggie.

"Abby." Luka murmured softly, warning her. This was not the time or place. She shot him a glare. But he was right.

"So … uh, she's already been tested, you said?" Abby changed the direction of the conversation.

"Yeah." Iris sighed. "She was very enthusiastic. Very happy about meeting me and super sweet about it all. She was really great." Iris smiled.

"Of course." Abby continued. She glanced over at Luka and then noticed the clock on the wall behind me.

"Shoot." Abby muttered.

"Do … you think we could talk about this later? We're going to be late for work." Abby explained. In reality, they were still on time but she just needed to process it all.

"Oh! Absolutley!" Iris spoke. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just intrude like this."

"No, it's okay, we just need to head out … but uh, I have tomorrow off. Could we meet for lunch or something?" She offered.

"Yeah!" Iris replied excitedly and pulled out a business card and pen.

"I'm staying at the Hyatt Regency. This is my room number, we can figure out plans and stuff." She grinned at Abby excitedly.

"Great." Abby smiled stiffly. "I'll give you a call." Luka stood and began to walk Iris to the door.

"I really appreciate this." Iris spoke somberly at Abby. "Thank you. It was nice to meet you"

"Yeah." Abby spoke, her arms crossed over her chest.

"And, uh, nice to meet you Luka." She looked up at him and smiled shyly.

"Nice to meet you Iris." He smiled and helped her into her coat.

"She looks like you." Luka stated matter of factly after Iris was gone.

"What?" Abby asked doubtfully. "No she doesn't."

"Are you kidding me? She has your eyes, your chin, your cheeks …" Luka nodded emphatically. There truly was an obvious family resemblance.

"What are you doing?" He asked as Abby ignored him and rushed off through the apartment.

"Calling Maggie." She spoke unhappily and picking up the phone.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" He asked a bit worried.

"Yes." She spoke anxiously tapping her fingers.

"Maybe you should wait until you've calmed down a …"

"Maggie? Hi. It's me." She'd finally picked up. Luka nervously stood watching Abby pace angrily.

"Iris just came by." She spat accusingly.

"No, I wasn't expecting her." She rolled her eyes.

"I never got your message!" She argued. Luka found it frustrating that he could only hear one side of the conversation.

"Yes, she's perfectly nice. That's not the point!" Abby's voice began to get louder. Luka could hear the murmurs of Maggie's voice getting louder as well.

"You had another kid and never told me!" Abby accused into the phone.

"It's my business now though, isn't it?" She continued.

"Oh, come on Maggie. That's bullshit and you know it! … No!" She paused angrily. Luka felt like he was watching a train wreck in slow motion.

"That's completely different! … Yes! It is!" She was furiously tapping her foot now.

"No … don't even go there. Maggie … Maggie!" With that she took the phone away from her ear and glared at it viciously. Shaking her head angrily she turned it off and set it down, none too gently. Sighing, she looked up at Luka, her eyes angry and frustrated, but also filled with a deeper feeling of hurt.

"I'm gonna go get dressed." She mumbled as she brushed past him and towards the back bedroom. Luka struggled between hurrying after her but finally decided on giving her some space.

* * *

**Review please! It does wonders for my self-esteem.**


	4. Blood Bond

**Again, sorry for the long delay. This chapter is set right before Quintessence of Dust. I hope you like it and thanks for all of the reviews!  
I hope it's not too confusing but I hate exposition and I wanted it to be realistic. It's important to know both Abby and Luka's respective histories to understand their dialogue and whatnot. It's not all laid out but I think that their different pasts definitely have a lot to do with their different perspectives. Again, I hope it's not too confusing.  
**

* * *

"We should wait until Eric is tested." Abby muttered.

"Why?" Luka asked, slightly impatient.

"Because he might be a match."

"He might not be."

"But he _could_ be. And if he is, then this point is moot." Abby continued.

"Huh?"

"Forget it. Look, if he's not a match then I'll talk to her about it."

"Abby ..."

"Look, it's not like it can make a difference right now anyway."

"But it would give her hope."

"Hope that could very well be another dead end."

"At least let her know it's an option."

"I will!" She exclaimed. "Once Eric is tested."

Luka sighed, frustrated, he raked his hand through is hair and paced impatiently.

"Abby, look, this is important to her."

"I know that!"

"She should know that there are other options."

"She will!"

"Abby. Her son is dying!" He enunciated much louder than he intended. Abby, inhaled, suprprised. Lowering his voice, he continued.

"He's dying and if we can help, then she should know that, regardless of Eric."

"There's just no reason to get her hopes up!"

"You just don't understand!" He cried exasperated.

"I understand that you're way too invested in this. She's not even your family!" Abby yelled.

"But she's yours!"

"Hardly."

"Oh come on, Abby. She's your sister."

"Luka, I don't even know her!"

"You haven't tried to know her!"

"Why?"

Abby sighed, dejectedly and crossed the room, shaking her head.

"Because I don't want to." She sighed and turned around, catching Luka's gaze from across the room.

"Abby." Luka murmured almost sympathetically and took a few steps toward her. She looked away from him and crossed her arms defensively.

"Abby." He repeated more tenderly. He was surprised to see a glimmer of a tear in her eye. Pursing her lips together she tried to avoid eye contact. After a deep silence she finally spoke.

"Look, just because we share DNA doesn't make us family, okay." She looked up at Luka, surprised that he was saying nothing, only listening.

"And, I already have Maggie and Eric, I don't need her drama too." She explained.

"It could be different with her." Luka offered.

"And it might not be ... I just don't want ... I'm not ..."

"You're afraid." Luka stated matter-of-factly. She nodded, sadly. Tenderly, he took her into his arms. Sighing, Abby closed her eyes and laid her head against his chest.

* * *

It wasn't that Iris wasn't a nice person. Quite the opposite, really. She was sweet and kind and intelligent. And **normal**. She was everything Abby could have hoped for in a family member yet she couldn't stand to be around her. She hated to admit it but a childish envy welled up inside of her every time she heard her voice, saw her face, mentioned her name. An envy that she not only knew was completely juvenile but felt guilty about. The curse of Cain. This jealousy. Why had _she_ escaped? What had made her worth sparing? Abby had borne the brunt of it all. Her mother, her father, Eric and this, this sister of hers had been given her wish. Abby's wish. To be given away, washed anew. Raised by a sane mother. She had lived a normal life. No, more than just a normal life. A pampered, privileged life. A life with two sane and loving parents. Parents who tucked her in at night . Who had dinner on the table. Who read her stories. Who showed up to parent-teacher conferences. Parents who didn't try to kill her or themselves. Why? Iris had been given everything. Everything that Abby ever wanted and she hated her for it. But most of all she hated herself for feeling that way. Iris was going to leave the next day to return to New York to be with her husband and moribund son and all Abby could think about was how lucky she had been. Well, that luck had run out. Abby mentally chastised herself for her childish feelings. She needed to suck it up and do the right thing.

* * *

Clemente was about to head to sutures when he noticed the beautiful brunette standing around admit looking rather lost. 

"May I help you?" He smiled and sidled up to her.

"Uh yeah!" She looked relieved to have found someone to aid her.

"I'm looking for Dr. Lockhart." She explained.

"Are you a patient?" He asked.

"Oh! No, no." She grinned embarrassed. "I'm uh, I'm her … sister." She finally clarified, still unsure of how to explain the relationship.

"Oh!" Clemente gasped. "Of course! I should have known. The same beautiful eyes." He smiled and flirted unabashedly. Iris giggled, slightly uncomfortable.

"I'm Victor." He grinned and held out his hand.

"Iris." She smiled and shook his hand.

"Hey, Frank." He called, without removing his gaze on the young woman. "Have you seen Lockhart?" Shaking his head, Frank replied.

"Nope. Last I saw her, she and Kovac were heading out on one of their little 'breaks'" He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"We have a hit and run!" The paramedics called and Clemente reluctantly pried himself away from Iris.

"Sorry, duty calls." He spoke apologetically. "Frank, this is Abby's sister. Help her find her, will you?" With that he jogged off to meet the incoming trauma.

"I didn't know Abby had a sister." Frank spoke bluntly. Iris just nodded.

"Noboby's dead, I hope." He continued none gracefully. "Or off their meds." He stuffed a piece of sandwich into his mouth.

"You seem pretty normal though." He continued as if that made things better.

"Thanks … I think." Iris murmured. This was a rather strange hospital. She stood leaning against the admit desk, nervously waiting. Frank seemed to have quickly lost interest in her.

"Hey Chuny, Abby's sister is looking for her" He muttered, nodding towards Iris as a pretty nurse walked up with a few charts.

"Sister?" She asked and eyed Iris curiously.

"Is everything okay?" She asked approaching her.

"Yeah …" Iris spoke. "We just have a lunch date." She spoke. Why did they assume something was wrong?

"Oh good." Chuny, smiled looking rather relieved.

"I just saw her with Kovac." At that, she and Frank shared a look. "I'll go get her. Glad everything's okay." She waved and walked off.

"And the next thing I know the helicopter is falling right there! I was totally surreal. My life just flashed before my eyes, you know? I mean, that could have been me out there, being squashed to smithereens, but by the grace of god I was somehow spared that fate …"

"Sorry to keep you waiting." Abby apologized as she approached Iris and Morris who seemed to be deep in conversation.

"Hey!" Iris exclaimed, relieved to have been rescued from the strange red-head.

"Oh, hey, Abby. I was just talking to your charming little sister here." Morris continued not getting the hint.

"She's married, Morris. Chill out." Abby rolled her eyes and motioned towards the door.

"Nice you meeting you, Archie." Iris smiled politely and shook his hand.

"The pleasure was all mine." Morris grinned and kissed her hand.

"Sorry about that." Abby apologized once they were out of earshot.

"I should have warned you ahead of time."

"No, it's okay." Iris replied. "Everyone seems really … nice." Abby laughed.

"Nice isn't quite how I'd describe them but yeah, they're an interesting bunch."

* * *

Abby and Iris were sitting at a small café waiting for their lunch to arrive. Abby was sipping at her hot cocoa and warming up her hands. 

"Is it this cold in New York right now?" She asked, making small talk.

"Pretty much, but the wind chill is a bit more intense here." Iris replied. The warmth of the café was a welcome change from the bitter cold outside.

"Luka wanted to come but he got caught up with some Chief business." Abby explained. She was nervous about this encounter as well. Both women shifted in their seats, played with their hair and sipped at their mugs, uncomfortably.

"Iris … here's the deal." Abby finally began. "Donating bone marrow is really a very small price to pay for saving someone's life. As a doctor, I understand how important this is for you and for your son." She paused, how was she going to say this?

"I would love to be able to help you. I really would, but … uh, even if I were to match I wouldn't be able to donate. At least not in time." Abby sighed. Iris frowned, concerned and worried.

"I … uh, I'm pregnant." She finally stammered out. She found it odd that the first person she should tell was practically a stranger.

"Oh!" Iris felt embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea. Maggie didn't say anything …"

"Maggie doesn't know." Abby dead panned, not thrilled at having her mother mentioned.

"Oh." Iris murmured, picking up on her tone of voice. "I see." The stranger-sisters sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few beats.

"Well, congratulations." Iris smiled forcefully.

"Thanks." Abby mumbled, hoping the food would come.

"When are you due?" Iris asked politely.

"July." Abby answered quickly. "July 22nd."

"Wow. I never would have guessed. You're not showing hardly at all." Iris commented.

"Yeah, well my closet would beg to differ. I've just been putting off maternity clothes shopping." She smiled.

"I was the same way with Dylan." Iris laughed. "It was like admitting that I needed maternity clothes made it that much more real, you know?" Abby nodded. She did know. All too well.

"He wasn't exactly planned." Iris continued.

"Nick and I met in college. I was in pre-law and he was a TA. Dylan was a honeymoon baby." She smiled wistfully.

"I looked like a giant blueberry at graduation." She chuckled as did Abby.

"It actually ended up being a blessing in disguise though. I miscarried when he was 11 months old. They took me to the hospital because of excessive bleeding and I was diagnosed with several uterine fibroids." Iris nodded solemnly.

"Wow." Abby sighed.

"Yeah. It was tough." Iris continued. "He's my little miracle baby." Abby shifted in her seat uncomfortably as she noticed Iris' eyes well up with tears.

* * *

Iris' plane was taking off in two hours. Abby and she were having a rather strained final conversation over coffee. 

"Thanks for showing me around." Iris stated referring to the little shopping excursion they had gone on together.

"No problem." Abby smiled forcefully. They both sat uncomfortably, avoiding each other's eyes and conspicuously checking their watches.

"Oh!" Abby exclaimed and reaching into her bag. "I almost forgot." She pulled out a small plush monkey. "Luka wanted me to give this to you ... for Dylan."

"Oh, thank you." Iris smiled appreciatively and caressed the monkey's ultra soft exterior.

"Tell Luka I really appreciate it."

"I will." Abby nodded.

"He's going to be a great dad." Iris murmured, staring at the monkey wistfully.

"I know." Abby murmured knowingly.

"Nick gave me the courage to go through with it." Iris continued.

"Hmm?"

"I was so scared when I got pregnant. So scared. But Nick, he's just great with kids and he ... he helped me realize I could do it. We could do it." Iris, gazed vacantly.

"Sometimes, I wonder though. I know it's horrible, but I wonder if it's worth it. All the pain ... but then I look at his face ... those big blue eyes and I know I wouldn't trade him for the world. He's ... he's everything that I love and enjoy in this world and I can't ... I just." She paused, holding back a sob. "I just can't imagine my life without him."

"Iris …" Abby began slowly.

"I'm sorry." Iris sniffed and dapped at her eyes with a napkin. "I tend to get overly emotional." She apologized.

"No, that's okay." Abby reassured her. "I … uh, well here's the thing. There is one other way we might be able to help." Abby paused. Yes, she needed to do this. Iris looked up at her quizically. Taking a deep breathe, Abby swallowed her doubts and began.

"I'm getting an amnio done next week." Abby explained. Iris nodded. "They can't test for a bone marrow match with that but uh, if the baby has the same blood type as Dylan … there is a possibility that once the baby is born you could use the cord blood for a transplant, instead of bone marrow." Abby stopped to gauge Iris' reaction.

"What?" She seemed confused.

"Well, it's been done with siblings but there hasn't been any substantial research amongst first cousins, which is what Dylan and the baby will be, so it's not a sure-fire thing." Abby continued. She didn't want her to get her hopes up.

"And of course, we don't even know if the baby will have the same blood type yet." Abby rambled.

"But … uh, I just wanted to put that out there." Abby peered at Iris hesitantly. The woman was absolutely silent. She was concerned at the silence but then heard a small wail emanate.

"You're …" she paused to sniffle "just so" she inhaled a ragged breathe. "swee-eet." She finished sobbing quietly into her napkin. Abby was taken aback and the show of emotion. After a few hesitant beats she slid out her hand and took a hold of Iris'. The woman, looked up and gazed at Abby gratefully, with big tear filled eyes. Though in essence, they were strangers, they were already forging a delicate familial bond.

* * *

**Please read and review! It makes me feel special. ; )  
**


	5. Sharing the 411

**Just a quick fluffy chapter. Sorry for the delay. I'm a slow updater. In any case, I'm working on the next, much longer, chapter and it should be up soon. In the meantime, enjoy the fluffiness and thank you all for the reviews!  
**

* * *

Nervously, she walked into the suture room, Luka following close behind. She was so anxious. The last time she was worried like this was when she had to re-take her boards for med school. 

"Maybe we should just wait until the end of the shift because if it is bad news. I don't …" She rambled on before Luka cut her off.

"It's not. It's not bad news." He spoke definitively.

"Chances of having an abnormal amnio are what? One in a thousand?" He continued.

"Two hundred." She replied, her fears compounding by the moment. She could see the flicker of doubt cross his face and it scared her.

"Still pretty good odds." He tried to comfort her.

"We'll be fine." He added more convincingly, offering her the phone. She pulled out her cell, pushing the speed dial button nervously.

"Hi, uh, this is Abby Lockhart. I think you have my amnio results." She spoke into the receiver trying to sound brave.

"She's checking." She whispered as Luka lovingly took her hand into his own. She waited, the phone clutched tightly to her ear for what seemed like an eternity as Luka pulled her towards him.

"Hi." She spoke, trying to keep her voice from shaking. Her hand gripped Luka's like a bear trap. Her chest felt tighter than her no-longer fitting jeans. And then just like that, it was over. The relief washed over her so quickly she thought she might drown for a moment.

"That's great." She breathed sighing, letting the apprehension out. Her eye caught Luka's and he too, exhaled and simultaneously sent up a tiny prayer of thanks.

"That's great." Her mind buzzing and yet completely blank to any other coherent words. She let herself fall into his arms and he wrapped her tightly.

"That's great." She repeated, clinging to him, inhaling the scent of mutual happiness.

"That's great, thank you." She concluded and let herself be enveloped in one of his all encompassing kisses. And it was so much more than great.

* * *

"Hey." She murmured as he climbed into bed. She had tried to stay up for him but had succumbed to sleep after all. 

"Hey." He replied, leaning over and laying a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Did I wake you?" He asked concerned as she snuggled closer to him.

"It's okay. You just get in?" She asked, laying her head in the crook of his arm.

"Hmm hmm." He murmured, inhaling her subtle scent and relaxing. "

"Got caught in a trauma as I was leaving." He explained and absently stroked her soft hair.

"Oh. That sucks." She sighed and swung her leg over him.

"Hmm." He smiled slightly, as she burrowed into him. He loved her snuggly bedtime routine.

"I … uh. I told Sam." He spoke softly, trying to gauge her response in the dark.

"Hmm?" She asked, groggily.

"About us. About the baby." He expounded.

"Oh."

"Is that … I hope that's okay." He asked, unsure.

"Oh. Hmm. Yeah. That's fine." Her voice muffled by his chest.

"Morris knows too."

"Morris?" He asked surprised.

"He sorta figured it out." She explained glumly.

"Oh." Luka muttered, his eyebrows furling at the oddity of Morris being keen enough to ascertain something so complex.

"I, uh. I called Maggie." She lifted her head and announced after a few moments of sleepy silence.

"Yeah?" He grinned to himself.

"Hmm hmm." She laid her head back down.

"Wow." He breathed, very pleased.

"Good for you." More than good. He was so proud of her.

"What'd she say?" He asked, trying not sound too thrilled.

"She was … ecstatic." Abby answered, not sounding too happy about it.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Told me to tell you hi." She continued.

"Hi Maggie." He spoke and continued to stroke her hair. God she was amazing, this woman. So brave. She continued to surprise him. Everytime he thought he had her pegged, she did something to completely shock him. He beamed internally. She was much stronger than she believed herself to be. They lay in silence and when her breathing began to slow, Luka thought she may have fallen asleep.

"What did Sam say?" She asked, surprising him yet again.

"Not much." He answered after a long pause.

"Oh." Was all she breathed.

"I think she's … surprised." He continued.

"Surprised?"

"About how fast it happened."

"Makes sense. I was surprised too." And that was it. He had expected more of an inquiry but no. She seemed satisfied with his terse and rather uninformative answer. Again, another surprise. He smiled to himself and pulled her closer as he finally drifted off into a comfortable sleep.

* * *

**I've conducted a completely scientific experiment and have concluded that there is a direct correlation between the number of reviews and the promptness of my updating.  
So yeah ... read and review folks! Please!**  



	6. Filler

**Okay, this is just a teeny fluffly filler because I was bummed that we didn't get to see Abby tell Luka about feeling the baby move for the first time. Set right after 1216 - Out on a Limb  
**

* * *

"Ready to go?" He asked though knowing full well the answer. She had been ready for several hours.

"Hmm hmm." She muttered, and allowed her arm to be grasped by him and led outside. She shivered as the cold air hit them outside. Instinctively, he pulled her closer and she smiled at the kind gesture. She felt like a zombie, her feet lagging as they traipsed up the stairs to the EL. Her feet hurt, her head ached, she just wanted to climb into bed and hibernate. Her body was screaming out in exhaustion. They rode together in virtual silence, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder, her head snuggled against his chest. As her breathing deepened he worried she might fall asleep before they made it to their stop.

"You sleeping?" He asked, softly moving a stray strand of hair from her face.

"Yes." She grumbled and he grinned as she curled up even closer to him. She reminded him of a kitten he had had as a child -_ Ljutć _for her soft golden color. Feisty and independent, she didn't like strangers and was hardly affectionate, except at night. He had awoken many mornings to find her curled up snuggly in the crook of his arm, purring contentedly. Yes, very much like Abby. A pint-sized dichotomy.

He leaned his cheek on her head and inhaled her soft, subtle scent. Suddenly, she gasped and looked up at him, eyes wide.

"I didn't tell you!" She spoke remorsefully.

"What?" He asked, nervous.

"I felt it!" Her eyebrows raised expectantly. He looked at her quizzically.

"It! The baby!" She spoke again, much more alert.

"I felt the baby." She grinned up at him beaming proudly. His green eyes, widened excitedly as the realization sunk in. Impulsively he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her squarely and passionately. Their foreheads touched and their eyes met as their lips broke apart.

"It's real." He murmured softly. Nothing else existed except for the three of them.

"I know." She grinned back.

* * *

**Read and Review please! **   



	7. Lots of Lemons

**Okey dokey. Here's a heavier chapter. Tell me what you think. Thanks also for all of the reviews. I really appreciate it. You guys rock.  
This chapter is set after ep 1217 - Lost in America.  
**

* * *

She woke up to an empty bed. Reaching over she felt cool sheets. It struck her how accustomed she had become to waking up to have him next to her, his body pressed against hers, his arms holding her. She had fallen back into the comfortable languidness so quickly, as if they had never broken up. Yawning, she stretched out and rubbed her eyes. Where was he? Upon hearing his voice below, she pulled a bathrobe around her naked body and traipsed through the apartment to find him. She found him, lounging on the couch, laughing merrily with the phone to his ear. He raised a hand to acknowledge her presence but otherwise continued on with his conversation. 

"Who was that?" She asked after he finally hung up the phone. She climbed onto the sofa next to him, a mug of tea in her hand.

"John."

"Jo … Carter?" She asked, surprised.

"Hmmm hmm." He murmured and absently glanced at the newspaper.

"Oh." Was all that escaped her mouth.

"How is he?" She finally asked trying to sound uninterested.

"Okay, I think." He turned the newspaper over and began skimming the sports section.

"He's married now." He muttered, almost as an after though. Abby sat, silently, letting that knowledge soak in.

"He still in Africa?" She managed to squeak out.

"Yep." Luka replied casually, not noticing the change in her voice.

"He's in Darfur now though." He continued.

"Oh." She couldn't think of anything more coherent to respond with.

"Yeah." More focused now, he set down the newspaper and turned to look at her.

"Things are really bad over there." He spoke much more gravely.

"I know." She muttered off-handedly, not entirely paying attention.

"Not getting any better." He continued nervously.

"Right."

"He wants to bring over a few shipments of supplies." He offered, trying to lock Abby's gaze.

"Oh."

"And he needs someone to see them over. To make sure they get there okay." He explained, still trying to reign in her full attention.

"You know with all the corruption and everything." He explained.

"Luka."

"And I wouldn't stay long." He finished and gazed into her eyes. He finally had her attention.

"What?" She stammered. Blinking at him several times, she tried to wrap her head around what he had just said.

"Just a few weeks. Three. Four at the most." He offered, trying to lighten the load.

"No."

"He needs my help." He explained calmly. She simply stared at him.

"He trusts me." He continued, a little disheartened by her silent reaction and finally, she spoke.

"He can't send anyone else? Or hell, come and get them himself?" She asked, her anger fully apparent in her as of yet, still quiet voice.

"No. They're short-staffed." He responded matter-of-factly.

"Of course." She responded, sarcastically.

"Abby, this is important." He argued, trying to make her understand.

"And what am I? Chopped liver?" Her voice was getting louder. Angrily she stood up.

"Pardon?" He asked confused.

"Whatever Luka." She spat angrily, and spun around not bothering or caring to explain that particular language nuance.

"Abby!" He stood up, calling after her. Ignoring him, she huffed off.

"Abby, come on. Can't we talk about this?" He strode after her, quickly catching up and gently took a hold of her arm.

"Why?" She nearly yelled. And ripped her arm out of his grasp.

"You've already made up your mind." She ended icily and glared daggers. He was amazed at how much presence this tiny woman had.

"It's not like that." He muttered desperately.

"Not like what?" She gesticulated with her hands, nearly spilling the tea.

"Not like you just unilaterally made a decision that affects both of us?" She was furious. More than furious. It had been a long time, maybe even years since he'd seen her this way.

"No. You don't understand …" He tried to explain softly.

"What?" She interrupted furiously.

"What don't I understand Luka? Because what I understand is that you just spontaneously decided to leave, leave your job, your life, your … _me_ to go, of all places, Africa! Where just a couple years ago you nearly died. And for what? For …. For, why? Because Carter wants you to?"

"The Congo."

"Wha …?"

"I nearly died in the Congo. I'm going to the Sudan." He corrected.

"Right." She rolled her eyes and spun around dramatically, then half turning around she called over her shoulder.

"Focus on your godamned semantics Luka. I'm going to work." Luka stood, dejected, noting that she wasn't on for another three hours.

* * *

First hour: Nine patients. Three discharges. One death. 7 stitches. Two emesis basins and an x-ray. 

Second hour: Eleven patients. Two discharges. No deaths. Three emesis basins. An intubation and a head lac.

Third hour: Two GSWs. One death.

Fourth hour: Too much.

Fifth hour: A blur.

Sixth hour. Seventh hour. Eight hour. Ninth hour. Tenth hour ... exhaustion

Two hours to go. Just two. Hours. Left. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. 125 more minutes. That was all. She could do it. Paperwork. She could do paperwork. Her mind was fogging. Focus. She needed to focus.

"Abby?" Her eyes flung open. "You okay?" he asked.

"Hmmm hmm." She nodded, trying to sound convincing.

"Just a long shift." She smiled and tore herself away from the support of the wall. He continued to make chit-chat on the way to the lounge. She tried so hard to focus on his words but all she could hear was the peanut-esque wa, wa, wa's.

"So?" He asked as they reached the door to the lounge. She looked at him blankly. What had he just said?

"Do you want to …?" He trailed off, seeing her glazed eyes. "… grab a bite to eat?"

"Uh … when?" She asked distractedly. It was all she could do to keep her eyes open.

"When are you off?" Dubenko asked hopefully.

"In two hours." She responded. Two incredibly long hours.

"I can wait." He added. "If you want …" She ran a hand through her hair.

"Dub … Lucien, I'd love to really, but I'm beat." That was the truth. He looked crushed but she was too focused on staying coherent to notice.

"Oh, okay." He answered somewhat dejectedly. "Raincheck?"

"Absolutely." She responded.

"Abby we got a multiple GSW! Come on!" Pratt yelled. Abby's eyes widened and she slowly forced her body into action.

* * *

"His lung's collapsed." Abby muttered, as she prepared to intubate him. She couldn't do it. Her hands weren't unsteady. He had a clear path but for the life of her she couldn't get the tube down and he was about to go into cardiac arrest. When Pratt pushed her hand aside and did it himself, she just stood there, blankly, half-watching. Everything was so murky and dark. It was as if she was existing in slow motion. She blinked a few times forcefully to try and regain her focus. Swallow. That didn't work. Even the noisiness of the trauma room seemed distorted.

"Abby!" She heard her name. Where had it come from? Dazed, she looked around.

"Bag him!" Pratt yelled annoyed at having instructed her several times already. She fumbled, but did it. What was her problem?

"Chuny get Ray in here!" Pratt yelled frustrated. The nurse sped out the doors with a cautious glance towards Abby.

They arrived back just minutes later.

"Lockhart, please step out." Pratt ordered ruthlessly. Abby gaped. The nurses stared silently, in awe. He had no authority over her. Abby wasn't one to lay down without a fight either. She glared at him fiercely for a moment but then stepped back and pulled off the plastic material and sullenly, pulling off her gloves she left the trauma room without so much as a word of protest.

Paperwork and more paperwork. She should have been off by now but the GSW had delayed her as had a little boy with tic tacs up his nose. So soon. She would get to leave so soon. She just needed to finish up this paperwork. Suddenly, felt someone step beside her. Pratt. Damn. He looked angry.

"We need to talk." He wasn't messing around. Nodding, she set down her pen. She glanced up and saw Sam staring at them intently. Pratt led her to a small corner.

"Look, I don't know what's going on with you but what you just did in there could have cost that man his life." Why did she feel like she was being lectured by the principle?

"I know." She mumbled. She so did not have the energy for this right now. Pratt started to say something more but stopped. Abby didn't admit defeat. At least not right away. What was her deal?

"Okay, then." He added angrily. "Well, whatever baggage you have needs to be checked at the door." Abby simply stared at him and quasi-nodded at him in agreement.

"You could be a good doctor, Lockhart. You just need to focus." He continued. At this Abby finally, clued in.

"Excuse me?" She threatened more than asked. "I _am_ a good doctor and I don't need you to tell me how to focus or how to do my job. You're not my attending or my superior in any way so can it, Pratt." She was more than peeved. He had no right. She glared daggers at him, brushed past his arm and walked away.

"I could report you for what happened in there." He spoke. It worked. She stopped dead in her tracks.

"Don't think I won't." He continued as she leveled her gaze at him once more. Clenching her jaw, she fought the urge to slap him.

"Fine." She spoke decidedly. "Do what you have to do." Godamn him. She turned on her heel and he took a few steps after her.

"You don't get a free pass just because you're sleeping with the boss." Once more. Abby stopped walking. The entire admit area had gone silent. She looked straightforward and she could see Sam, out of the corner of her eye, watching her. As were, Frank and Chuny. He had said it too loud. He hadn't meant it to be so audible. But it had been. And now there was no going back. Without turning back around, Abby took another step and continued back to the lounge.

* * *

"Tox screen back yet?" Abby asked, quickly surveying the OD in front of her. She was a young woman, not over the age of 30. She was now three hours overtime. 

"Should be on its way." Sam, replied. On its way was not fast enough. They needed to know now, hell ten minutes ago what it was that she had ingested.

"Her daughter said she took a lot of pills."

"Okay, get me some charcoal." Abby ordered. This was insane. The woman was perspiring and seizing. Her heart rate, alarmingly high.

"She's crashing!"

"Paddles!"

"V-tach!" Motion flew by precariously as the woman teetered between life and death. Finally, they had a fairly steady rhythm.

"Tox screens back!" Abby grabbed the chart.

"Dear lord." She sighed. This woman really wanted to die.

"Diazepam, Alprazolam, Acetylcholine, Nortriptyline and her blood alcohol is .09." For a moment she paused, raking a hand through her hair, unsure. This was all too familiar.

"Alright first let's secure an airway and get 10 of atropine to block the acetylcholine … we need methylphenidate, no let's do a gastric lavage to counteract the diazepam and alprazolam … wait, crap! The diazepam is counteracting the nortriptyline …"

"Abby …" Haleh warned her. They didn't have time.

She raked her hand through her hair once more. Seconds ticked by. What could she do? It was as if this woman knew how all these drugs would interact together. Her heart pounded faster. The room seemed to buzz in her head, the colors blended together, swirling. Images flashed through her mind. She had to do this. It was a very delicate balance. They needed to try and nullify each thing without exacerbating her OD.

"Okay, phenytoin to block the nortriptyline and hold the gastric lavage and let's get an IV going!" She could do this.

* * *

"Ten more of epi!" She hollered as she continued to do compressions on the still, moribund woman lying in front of her. 

"Abby …" Haleh warned her.

"I said more epi!" She couldn't do this. She couldn't lose this woman. She breathed heavily as she continued the compressions. Her arms ached from the exertion but she refused to give up. Sam and Haleh exchanged concerned looks.

"She's been down for nearly an hour." Sam murmured softly. No. There had to be a way. She had done everything. Everything! She couldn't just die.

"Dr. Lockhart!" Clemente had just entered the room. Abby reluctantly slowed the compressions until the connection was broken. She shivered, her gloved hands, covered in charcoal. Taking a step backwards, she felt the room spin around her.

"Abby?" Sam saw her sway in place and reached out and put her hand on Abby's arm, steadying her. She saw the look of concern on Sam's face and immediately felt the urge to vomit. Pushing aside she ripped off her gown and gloves and escaped into the hallway trying to catch her breathe. Quickly, she made her way to the restroom. As soon as she was in, she collapsed against the door, closing her eyes, taking deep breathes. The bathroom was empty. Still breathing raggedly she entered a stall. Her stomach clenched and she leaned over the bowl, vomiting.

Abby, exhausted after retching, exited her stall to wash her face, only to find Sam standing, seemingly waiting for her.

"You okay?" She asked concerned about her co-worker. Abby looked very pale and tired and Sam had overheard her throwing up. Something about the patient had affected her. Abby seemed surprised to see her there and raked a hand through her hair self-consciously. She nodded, her eyes cast downwards. She so did not want Sam to see her like this. Avoiding Sam's concerned gaze, she made her way to the sink.

"You did everything you could." Sam spoke reassuringly. Abby rinsed her mouth with water and caught Sam's eyes in the mirror. She looked genuinely concerned. It made Abby feel worse. She really didn't want her concern or sympathy. Staring at the water swirling down the drain she closed her eyes to clear her head and took a deep breathe.

"Abby …" Sam began. She really needed to clear the air. Abby turned around reluctantly and faced the pretty blonde.

"Look, I know it's kind of weird between us but if you ever need to talk … I'm here." Sam murmured candidly. Abby nodded, surprised and a little bit relieved.

"Thanks, but … uh, I'm okay. Really." She paused. It was obvious Sam wasn't buying it.

"Has social work come down for the little girl?" She asked Sam, trying to divert the conversation.

"Not yet."

"I'm gonna go check on her." Sam nodded and Abby headed for the door leaving Sam alone with her thoughts.

* * *

"Hey Shannon." Abby, spoke softly, approaching the little girl carefully. She couldn't have been older than six years old. 

"Hi." She responded hesitantly, eyeing the new grown up rather suspiciously.

"My name's Abby." She said, smiling and taking a seat in front of the little girl on the floor.

"Are you a doctor?" She asked curiously, noticing her white coat.

"Yep." Abby nodded.

"Are you helping my mommy?"

"Hmm, mhhh." Abby responded, feeling guilty.

"Who do you have there?" Abby asked, indicating to the little baby doll that the child was carefully cradling.

"Baby."

"Does baby have a name?" She asked.

"No."

"How come?"

"Baby doesn't have a mommy or daddy to give her a name." Abby nearly choked on this revelation.

"Well, you seem to be very good with her." She offered.

"I have a real baby."

"Oh?"

"At home." She replied, looking up into the doctor's eyes. She seemed nice

"His name is Joshua. My baby brother. He cries a lot but I like him anyhow."

"Well, that's good." Abby continued.

"I change his diapers sometimes."

"Wow. That's a very grown-up thing to do." Abby knew this little girl was already much too grown up.

"Mommy gets sad and can't sometimes ... is she going to be okay?" The little girl asked her quizzically. Abby cringed. Her big gray eyes were so pure and earnest.

"Can I ask you about how your mommy got sick, Shannon?" She asked tenderly trying to side-step the question.

"She's wasn't feeling good and took too much medicine." The little girl responded matter-of-factly.

"That's exactly right." Abby replied, broken-hearted. This little one knew too much already.

"She's not supposed to take so much but I wasn't there to remind her." Her eyes welled up with tears.

"Shannon, sweetie. This isn't your fault." Abby tried to reassure her.

"Megan's mommy asked if I wanted to stay for dinner so I did and when I got home mommy was already asleep! She took too much medicine." The little girl sobbed, explaining.

" … and I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't!"

"Shhh. Shannon." Abby, took the little girl in her lap and held her. "You did nothing wrong. You were very brave to call the ambulance." She sniffled in Abby's embrace and then looked up into her eyes.

"Is she going to be okay?" Her big gray eyes looked into Abby's so earnestly, Abby thought she just might burst into tears herself.

"Shannon …" She took a deep breathe but didn't break her eye contact.

"The medicine your mommy took hurt her body. A lot. Sometimes when people take too much medicine it can make them more sick than before." The little girl nodded, looking at her anxiously.

"And sometimes, when their bodies get too sick they shut down." She could see the hurt in her little face. Suddenly the door opened and in stepped a social worker, an older woman with a face like Mrs. Clause but the little girl looked frightened and clung to Abby. The woman nodded to her that she could stay. Shannon shyly climbed into Abby's lap as the woman. Abby sat, semi-catatonic as the woman spoke with and explained to the little girl everything that was going on. She only half heard what the lady was saying. All she could think about was the small child clinging to her, her warm body pressed against her own and when she started sobbing Abby, without even realizing it pressed her head to her breast and caressed her hair softly, rocking her every so slightly. It felt like just a brief time but before she knew it, he leg was tingling indicating it had been cramped in that position too long. Still, she continued and slowly the little girls sobs slowed and she softly fell into a very troubled slumber. Abby finally extricated herself from the tiny warm body and gently laid her on the sofa, covering her lovingly with a blanket. Nodding at the social worker she sadly left the room.

* * *

"Hey." Neela, spoke quietly, as she approached Abby's shivering body on the roof of the hospital. 

"Brought you this." She continued, throwing a blanket over her friend's shoulders ignoring Abby's lack of communication.

"And this." She offered Abby a large thermos filled with hot chocolate and sat down next to her.

"Why did I kick you out of my apartment again?" Abby asked jokingly.

"Because I was a disgusting, moping slob and you were being a good friend." Neela deadpanned. They both chuckled albeit humorlessly.

"I heard what happened." Neela spoke after a long cold moment of silence.

"What?" Abby asked.

"With Pratt." Neela expounded.

"Oh." Abby muttered disinterested.

"I take it that's not why you're upset?" Neela segue-wayed.

"I'm not upset." She lied.

"Right. You're just brooding ... intensely."

"Exactly." Abby stated with a terse smirk. They sat in frigid communal silence for a few more minutes.

"Luka's worried about you." Neela spoke once more. Even in the darkness, she could see Abby rolling her eyes. Again they fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"He ... he wants to go back to ... Africa." Abby finally spoke.

"Bloody hell." Neela murmured after a long pause.

"What is it with our men and their blimey hero complexes?" She added a moment later eliciting a cold chuckle from Abby.

"No kidding." She replied, knowing that of anyone, Neela understood. And they did understand. They understood each other and their communal pain. So that was enough. And they sat in silent camaraderie.

"Bollocks. I'm getting paged." Neela cursed as she felt her pager go off.

"You going to be okay?" She asked concerned for her friend.

"Yeah." Abby replied decisively. With a small pat to her head, Neela reluctantly made her way back into the building leaving Abby alone with her thoughts. Her buzzing, swarming thoughts that threatened to either make her head explode or escape to take on a life of their own. The truth was she was starting to turn numb. It's what happened to her when it all became too much. She'd slowly and mechanically shut herslf down and she'd be immue. Numb. Unable to feel the truly anguishing array of emotions that threatened to rip her to pieces if she didn't. And they had before and she couldn't let it happen again. Not now. Not ever. But especially not now. Because now she needed to be strong not only for herself, but for her baby as well. The thought of that symbionic dependence terrified her. She'd done it for years. Provided the strength and courage for both Eric and herself and she questioned whether she had the energy to do it again. Not that she had a choice. Gently she laid a hand on her abdomen where she could feel the gentle swell of her baby. It was tangible proof that she was needed. It provided relief as well as new anxiety. And she knew that she only had one choice. There was only one. Regardless of anyone else, when it came down to her, and it always did. There was only one option - survival. The only thing she'd ever been truly adept at. She'd survived it all. All of it. All of them who had left. Her mom, her dad, Eric. Richard, Carter, Jake. Some of them she'd pushed and some had left willingly but regardless, they'd all left. This was no different. But she'd done it. She's survived. And damnit if she wasn't going to survive this one too. After all, she was an expert.

* * *

**I'm in dire need of reviews for this one folks. I need to know what you guys want to happen. What do you like and what don't you like as much? What would you like me to explore more? Stuff like that. Anyway, thanks for reading! **


	8. The Art of Communication

**I swear I didn't know TPTB were actually heading down the Africa route when I decided to write my last chapter. Freaky huh? Me channelling them. Anyway, here's my take on the story. I'm looking forward to seeing what actually happens this Thursday. In any case, enjoy. I hope you like it. **

* * *

"Abby, hey. Can I talk to you?" Pratt nodded his head motioning towards an exam room. Abby sighed. She'd just talked to Shannon's family and she was more than ready to go home. She'd been on for 17 hours and she was completely exhausted - emotionally and physically - but she nodded and followed him. 

"Okay, look. I just wanted to apologize for how I snapped at you earlier. It was completely uncalled for and … I'm sorry." He looked genuinely upset and Abby nodded.

"It's okay." She murmured, hoping that this was the end and she'd be able to go home. She wondered if she could snag some Tylenol on her way out. Her head was pounding.

"No. It's not." Pratt continued earnestly.

"I just … I was upset with …someone and I took it out on you and it was completely unprofessional." He continued and glanced at the floor. The truth was he was upset with Luka for the blood falsification issue. Logically, he knew he shouldn't be angry with him but logic didn't impact how he felt about it.

"Pratt." Abby interrupted, and raked a hand through her hair.

"My behavior wasn't exactly professional, either." She paused and looked at him gravely.

"Really. It's okay." She nodded, seriously.

"We all have our moments." She finished, reassuring him.

"I know, I just feel like an ass …" he continued but Abby had stopped hearing him. The room around her was getting distorted like she was looking through a water glass and Pratt's voice was distant and obscure. For a moment she felt like she was floating, then slowly her peripheral vision began to fog and darken. She heard her name as her knees buckled underneath her and she lost consciousness.

Pratt, saw Abby swaying and caught her before she hit the floor. He scooped her up and laid her gently on a gurney and simultaneously called for a nurse.

* * *

"Hey there Sleeping Beauty." Luka smiled somberly as Abby groggily opened her eyes. She scowled as her hand flew to her nose where she was wearing a nasal oxygen cannula. 

"You didn't have to pass out just to get me to stay." He joked but immediately regretted it upon receiving one of Abby's scathing glares. Silently, she adjusted to her surroundings and struggled to sit up.

"Easy." Luka spoke and laid a hand on her shoulder. She flinched as he touched her and he winced, understanding that she was still furious with him. Ignoring him, she managed to sit up, and pulled the oxygen cannula out of her nose. Throwing the blanket to the side she was relieved to see that she wasn't in a robe. Despite Luka's protests she swung her legs over the side of the gurney but a wave of dizziness washed over her when she stood up. Much to her chagrin, she had no choice but to accept Luka's help and lie back down on the gurney. She closed her eyes and put a hand to her head. The pounding in her temples had returned with a vengeance.

"Headache?" Luka asked concerned. She simply nodded her head slightly.

"Coburn's on her way down." He continued softly. At this she uncovered her eyes and sat up again.

"I just want to go home." She pleaded.

"I feel fine." She insisted. He raised his eyebrows skeptically.

"Really." She spoke earnestly upon seeing Luka's doubtful face.

"I'm just tired." She continued, trying to convince him but she knew it was futile.

"Fine." He spoke.

"But Coburn's just going to check you out to be sure." She rolled her eyes. This had to be the worst day ever.

"What time is it?" She asked.

"Six. He replied, tersely.

"Shit." She groaned.

"I'm on at noon." She muttered.

"No, you're not." He responded. She opened her eyes and looked at him questioningly.

"I gave you the day off." He explained.

"Clemente's back on, so we're covered." He added before she could protest.

She lay in silence, Luka sitting by her side for another half hour before Coburn finally appeared. Once she had checked Abby's blood work and performed an ultrasound she agreed that mild dehydration aside, Abby was just overly fatigued.

"Nothing a little R&R can't cure." She reassured Abby but mostly Luka.

"Take it easy, kiddo." She warned smiling.

"I'll see you soon for your 25 week check up, alright?" Abby nodded, relieved despite herself.

* * *

The ride back to Luka's apartment was tense and silent. Even the sound of the drizzle hitting the windshield seemed hostile. Abby felt a strange affinity with the frigid air that greeted her upon leaving the car. 

"Abby." Luka finally spoke as they silently entered the apartment and hung up their coats.

"I don't want to talk about it." She replied icily, continuing to the bedroom without turning around. Sighing he tiredly followed her. He was met the cold click of the bathroom door when he reached their bedroom. Pursing his lips, he sat on the bed, raking his hands through his hair. Shit.

Luka was undressed when she left the bathroom. Abby didn't meet his eyes as she scooted around him to let him in. She could hear him brushing his teeth as she walked to the dresser and plucked one of his shirts out to wear. She paused, momentarily, debating whether she should wear it or not but finally decided that it was childish to compromise her comfort over a fight.

Abby was already in bed when he walked out of the bathroom. She was on her side, turned away from him. Sighing softly he slid under the covers and lay on his back. He knew she wasn't asleep. Her breathing was even but enough nights of watching her sleep had taught him well. He was exhausted, he couln't even imagine how she must feel. He tucked his arms underneath his head and stared at the dark ceiling. Thoughts racing, heart pounding, he wanted more than anything to just roll over and take her in his arms. To hold her, caress her and tell her how sorry he was and how much he loved her. He could hear the clock ticking in the background as he lay there, his body begging for sleep but his mind unwilling to acquiesce.

"I'm not going." He finally spoke, his voice reverberating ominously in the silent room. Nothing. Still no reaction. She lay without moving, not saying a word. He thought for a moment that she might have actually fallen asleep until he heard a small sniffle and a minute whimper followed it. He felt his chest tighten painfully as the realization blind-sided him in the gut.

"Abby." He murmured painfully and rolled closer to her, unable to resist any longer. Gently, he wrapped his arm around her small body and cursed himself as he felt her shoulders tremble, a result of her silent sobs.

"Shhh." He crooned softly, caressing her head. It reminded him of how he would comfort Jasna when she'd wake up terrified from nightmares.

"Abby. Abby, it's okay." He whispered.

"I'm not going." He repeated trying to calm her. At this she stiffened and pulled away from him.

"That's not it." She spoke softly, sitting up. He raised up on his elbow, his face a question mark.

"Don't stay on my account." She continued, her voice slowly getting louder.

"What?" He asked dumbfounded. Wasn't that why she wanted him to stay?

"Just don't ... you don't have to babysit me okay? If you want to go, Go." She spoke, much more determined.

"I don't want to go." He responded, flabbergasted.

"Yes, you do." She spoke evenly.

"Abby!" He was exasperated.

"I thought that's what you wanted ... that you wanted me to stay." He was so confused by this turn in the conversation.

"No! ... yes, I mean I did. But I don't want you to stay because of that." She stammered, her voice betraying her frustration.

"What?" He gaped, confusion plastered on his face.

"Why should I stay?" He asked, genuinely not getting it.

"Forget it." Abby sighed, and shook her head, fighting the tears yet again.

"No, Abby." Luka pulled himself up so he was sitting facing her.

"Come on. I don't understand." He continued, urging her.

"I don't want you to stay because I want you to stay." She explained then lowered her voice.

"I want you to stay because _you_ want to stay." She muttered and lowered her head.

"Whatever." Abby mumbled after several beats of tense and confused silence. Exasperated, she moved to slide off the bed.

"Wait." He gently grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She turned her face away from him, as he began to talk.

"I do want to stay. I want to stay because I care about you and I care about your feelings and this is obviously a big deal to you." He murmured earnestly. She shook her head and wiped away a tear.

"What ... is that ... am I wrong?" He asked, concerned. She sniffled and despite her best efforts, the tears spilled from her eyes.

"Abby?" He asked, worriedly, and rested a hand on her shoulder. He could count on one hand the number of times he had seen her cry and while he had been witness to Danijela's pregnant blubbering, he wasn't so sure that's what this was.

"Abby, _ljubimac, _talk to me." He urged. Sniffling, she embarrassedly, wiped her face quickly and turned her face towards his.

"I don't want to hold you back." She whispered.

"And I don't want you to feel like you have to stay because it's your duty." She continued.She looked up at him shyly, the tears in her eyes glimmering in the darkness. He sighed and gently wiped a stray tear off of her cheek. Lovingly, he cupped her face in his hands and slowly brought his forehead to hers.

"Oh Abby." He murmured and softly laid a feather-light kiss on her lips.

"That couldn't be farther from the truth." He continued, his breath, soft against her skin. She let herself sink into his arms and laid her head against his bare chest, inhaling the delicious smell of his skin. He caressed her hair and closed his eyes, sighing in relief. He held her, snuggly against him enjoying their secure embrace until he felt dampness on his chest and realized that she was crying once more.

"Abby?" He asked and she raised her head in response, meeting his eyes.

"You ... should go." She gasped and sobbed quietly, her small shoulders going up and down in the darkness.

"What ... why?" Luka asked, once again dumbfounded by her reaction. But she didn't respond. Her hair fell across her face and the tears flowed without restraint.

"Abby." He murmured and gently lifted her chin with his hand and met her tear filled eyes.

"What's going on?" He asked, softly.

"I'm ... a selfish bitch." She managed to vocalize through her sobs. Luka let out a small chuckle despite himself.

"No." He assured her.

"No, you're not." He tried to sound convincing, his amusement aside. It didn't help though. She curled up and continued her near-silent sobbing. Her soft gasps wiped away any sense of comedy in the situation. She was really hurting and he couldn't, for the life of him, understand why.

"_Draga_, what's this about?" He asked as gently as possible. He waited patiently as she wiped away her tears and took several ragged breathes.

"I ... I can't ask you to stay." She spoke tearfully. He looked at her, his green eyes begging her to expound. Once more, she wiped her eyes and bit her lip.

"When Chuny told me you were ... dead." She paused, still fighting the tears.

"I couldn't lose ... both of you." She continued, her voice low and even.

"I asked Carter not to go." She admitted and her eye filled with tears. She bowed her head, ashamed.

"Abby ..." He spoke softly.

"I begged him not to go." She whispered, refusing to meet his gaze.

"It's okay." He responded trying to comfort her.

"No. It's not Luka." She lifted her head, her pained eyes meeting his.

"You don't understand. I _begged_ him not to go." Her face was contorted in pain. Her shoulders hunched forward in humiliation.

"I was _so_ ... selfish." She squeezed her eyes as if trying to force the memory out of her head.

"But the thing is ... if he hadn't gone. If he had listened to me ... you would be dead." Her hands flew to her face miserably.

"Oh Abby ..." He breathed softly.

"And it would have been my fault!" She cried.

"It's this sick, twisted irony and I just ... I can't be that selfish again." She paused, the determination and pain dancing in her eyes.

"I won't." She finished. There. She'd admitted to it. Finally. They sat in silence, their eyes locked, searching each other's souls.

"Abby." He took her hand in his.

"I'm staying." He looked at her earnestly and absently caressed her arm.

"I'm staying for me. Because _I_ want to be with you. Because _I_ want to watch our baby grow inside of you. Because _I_ want to feel the kicks. And I want to talk to him so he'll know my voice. I'm staying because I want to wake up to you every morning and go to sleep to you every night. I'm staying because three weeks without you is scary and really unappealing. I'm going to stay because I care about you more than I care about Carter and Darfur. And if that's horrible and selfish, too bad. I'm going to be selfish this time. I'm staying here. With you." He smiled at her softly. She gazed at him, tears once again threatening to escape. She bit her lip and cocked her head to the side. Slowly a final tear slid down her cheek, but this time instead of being a tear of fear or pain or anger it was a tear of relief and joy.

"Luka." She murmured letting a half smile splay across her face. Leaning closer to him, she cupped his face in her hands and gazed at him, hoping to convey with her eyes what was in her heart. Gently she brought her lips to his. Pulling her closer he held her tight and breathed a sigh of relief. He let his lips communicate his love and finally, she pulled away, her exhaustion getting the better of her. Together they settled back down under the covers. Her head lay against his chest, one leg slung over him, he inhaled the soft scent of her hair and closed his eyes happily as he snuggled closer to her.

"Thank you." She murmured drowsily.

"I just didn't want to miss the second trimester horniness." He dead-panned. She giggled despite her exhaustion and settled closer to his body, basking in his comforting warmth. God, she loved this man. Those were her last thoughts as she drifted off into a wondrously peaceful slumber.

* * *

**So? What do you guys think? What do you like? What do you hate? What would you like me to incorporate more of and what should I leave out? Review and let me know please! And thanks a million for reading. I appreciate it so much.**


	9. Girly Time

**This is a filler segue-way sort of chapter. Sorry for the huge long delay. Next update won't take as long. I promise. **

* * *

Sucking on a popsicle and absently doing some paperwork Abby dawdled, waiting for Neela to get out of her latest trauma.

"Aren't you off?" Morris asked, nosily.

"Yep."

"Waiting for your baby daddy?" He waggled his eyebrows and grinned.

"Nope."

"You know ... if you ever need a change of pace. I happen to have _very_ sought after sperm ..."

"Shut up, Morris." She dead-panned without so much as looking up from her files.

"They used to call me Big Red ..."

"Shut. Up. Morris." Shaking his head, he admitted defeat and walked off muttering to himself.

"Hey." She smiled as she heard his voice behind her. It never ceased to make her knees weak.

"Hey." She grinned, as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and planted a small trail of kisses from her neck to her mouth.

"Hmm ... strawberry?" He asked referring to the sweet flavor of the popsicle.

"Hmm hmm." She grinned and slid it into her mouth seductively. Shaking his head and grinning he pulled her closer to him.

"You're bad." He murmured with a smirk.

"You heading home?" He asked still holding her close but making sure not to violate any PDA related hospital rules.

"Actually, no." She licked her finger absently and even that small gesture made him wish he could take her right there.

"I'm going to go spend the night with Neela." She explained.

"Oh." He couldn't keep the slight disappointment out of his voice.

"Girl stuff ... you know." She grinned and rolled her eyes slightly.

"_Oh_ ..." He smiled suggestively.

"Not like that." She giggled and smacked him playfully as she disentagled herself from his arms upon seeing Neela's approaching form.

"Pervert." She growled under her breathe with a grin and he chuckled good naturedly.

"Ready to go?" Neela asked adjusting her bag on her shoulder.

"Yeah." Abby smiled and turned back to Luka for a last kiss. Instead of the peck she had intended, Luka pulled her close and softly probed her mouth with his tongue causing her to melt under his touch. Sucking on his delicious lower lip, she fought the urge to moan and pulled herself away.

"See you tomorrow." She managed to speak though slightly breathless.

"Yeah." He smiled, pleased with the reaction he had elicited and he kept his gaze fixed on her beautiful retreating form.

"Damn ... what was all that about?" Neela finally spoke once they were out of earshot and in the ambulance bay.

"Nothing." Abby grinned as they headed towards the EL.

"_Right_." Neela smirked incredulously.

* * *

"Abby, it's about to start!" Neela called from her cozy position on the bed. She absently munched on popcorn as she waited. 

"So what are we watching?" Abby asked as she slid into bed next to Neela and got comfy.

"This one's ..." She reached for the dvd cover. "A Walk to Remember." She replied.

"Aren't we supposed to be cheering you up?" Abby asked as she reached over and grabbed some popcorn.

"No. The movie guy said this was a good chick flick. And anway, I don't want to be cheered up."

"You want to suffer?"

"Precisely."

"Okey dokey." Abby smirked and grabbed another handful of popcorn but continued after a pause.

"You do know she dies in the end ... right?"

"Abby!"

"Just saying ..." She shook her head and scowled as Neela responded by flicking popcorn in her face.

"You're not very good at this girly bonding stuff, you know." Neela chastised. Abby flicked popcorn back at her.

"Just saying." Neela grinned.

* * *

She awoke in a familiar bed. Her favorite down comforter covering her. Arms spooned around her and that soft breathing lulled her. Wait ... soft breathing? Luka was a heavy breather. Squirming slightly under the snug embrace she turned and nearly laughed. Neela. Of course. Looking decades younger than her thirty years, Neela sighed softly and snuggled closer to Abby, her arm flung casually over Abby's waist. Rolling her eyes and grinning despite herself, Abby brainstormed ways to escape to the bathroom without waking her friend. Shifting slightly, she tried to disentangle herself from Neela's arms at least enough to ease the discomfort in her bladder. Sighing, she resigned herself to wait a few more minutes. Neela had been sleeping poorly ever since Gallant left. She could give her a few more moments of peaceful slumber. Staring at the ceiling, she contemplated the strangeness of being back in her apartment. It seemed like a foreign place. And it was dusty. Not that she had ever been overly preoccupied with cleanliness but lord was it filthy. She suddenly felt the urge to do a little spring cleaning but then remembered she was a prisoner in her own bed. This thought made her smile. It was just so ridiculous. Scootching up a little bit, she felt Neela's warm body against hers and softly swept a strand of hair off of her face. She looked so soft and peaceful. Innocent even. The protective feelings welling inside her took her by surprise. It didn't occur to her that these foreign emotions were fledgling signs of her growing maternal instincts. The clock ticked on and after a while she found herself getting drowsy again. Sighing softly, she allowed herself to drift off once more. 

"Neela?" Abby awoke several hours later to the dull ache in her groin. She needed to pee really bad but her friend's head lay on her chest and her leg was flung over her. She was trapped.

"Neela." She spoke louder and tried to nudge her off. Still no response. She groaned, and tapped Neela on the head repeatedly.

"Neela." She repeated much more loudly.

"Hmmm?" She groggily responded. Gently Abby squirmed out of Neela's grasp and slid out from beneath her. Sighing, she slipped out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. Finally.

When she returned she found Neela sitting up, dazed and groggy, her dark hair sticking up in various odd positions. Abby laughed as she joined her, sitting Indian style at the foot of the bed.

"Morning." She grinned. Where was her camera? This would be fantastic blackmail material.

"Mo -Oh-rning." Neela replied through a yawn and rubbed her eyes.

"If I had a nickle for everytime I woke up with an exotic girl in my bed ..." Abby grinned teasingly at Neela who chuckled in return.

"What will Luka say?" Neela responded faux-apprehensively.

"He'll wonder why I didn't take pictures." Abby grinned and pulled the comforter around her as Neela giggled.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Abby asked amusedly.

"You're going to cook?" This strange statement woke her up a bit more.

"Well ... I'm not quite familiar with the proper sleepover etiquette ... and I don't know even know what's in the fridge ... but yeah. I'll cook." She shrugged.

"Do bagels count?" She asked after a pause. Neela chuckled and shook her head.

"What time is it anyway?" Neela grumbled and rubbed her eyes.

"Almost eleven." Abby replied.

"Whoa, seriously?"

"Yep. You fell asleep in the middle of Ghost." Abby yawned and rubbed her belly absently. They sat in silence, listening to the ticking of the clocks, the drum of the other people in the building. The drone of the cars outside. Neela flopped to her side, tracing designs on the comforter with her finger. Abby watched her closely. She looked so forlorn and sad. She fought the urge to lay a comforting hand on her back. Abby wasn't much for big shows of affection. But she felt guilty too, for not being able to provide her with more feminine support. She was alone. And though only seven or so years, separated them, Abby couldn't help feel like she needed to protect Neela.

"What does it feel like?" Neela asked softly after several minutes of silence.

"What?"

"Being pregnant." She began but then paused, unsure of how to explain.

"Feeling ... _knowing_ that you're not alone. That you always have company." The profound content of her question took Abby by surprise and then it hit her. How desolate and lonely Neela must feel. This woman-child who was thousands of miles away from her nearest family, in a foreign country, missing her husband. How isolated she must feel.

"Honestly?" She spoke after several long ponderous moments.

"It's kind of freaky." Neela looked at her quizzically.

"I mean ...good freaky. But still ... I ... well, it's just crazy to think about and feel this tiny human being and know that it's actually a person. You know? It's going to have it's own personality and likes and dislikes ... it's like really ... _real._" Neela chuckled at Abby's inability to fully vocalize it all.

"I don't know ... it's just ...well, it's kind of amazing too." A small smile appeared on her face as she absently rubbed her swollen belly.

"I'm growing a person! A real-life human person. And yeah Luka kinda helped ... you know, a little." She grinned.

"But for right now, it's on me. It needs **me.**" She shook her head in disbelief.

"For _everything_. And that's ... amazing. And daunting ..." Neela gazed at her curiouslly. Abby was looking off, a dreamy glaze over her eyes.

"And scary." She finished.

"You're going to be a great mum." Neela responded honsetly. Abby rolled her eyes.

"Why?" She was referring to the question.

"Michael and I have never talked about having children." Abby waited for her to continue.

"I don't ... I don't even know if he wants kids ... but Ray. I know how Ray doesn't fold his laundry but he does stuff dryer sheets in his underwear drawer and how he hates apple juice but loves apple cider ... and how he secretly loves the Gooneys and how many kids he wants to have ... but I don't even know if my own husband wants children." Abby just listened as it all dawned on her.

"And you warned me ... the day we got married."

"Neela ... that's not what I ..."

"No. It's okay. You were right. I just feel like an idiot."

"Neela. Do you love him?"

"Who?" Abby raised her eyebrows.

"Bollocks!" Neela groaned and buried her head in the comforter.

"Want some ice cream?" Abby asked, after a few minutes of silence.

"For breakfast?" Neela asked, lifting her head from the bed.

"Sure, why not?" Neela just stared at her skeptically.

"Oh come on. Live on the edge." She teased.

"It's not the healthiest of breakfast foods ..." Neela chastised as they padded into the kitchen.

"What, did Luka designate you prenatal-police in his absence?"

"Damn. You're on to us." She grinned as they pulled the cartons out of the freezer.

* * *

**I know it's far from my best work but please read and review anyway. Thanks! **


	10. Ex Factor

**Sorry for the long delay. I'm in a funk. A serious funk. And if this chapter really sucks, I'm sorry. My mojo has been stolen and I'm fresh out of time travel juice I'm afraid. ; ) **

* * *

"There you are." She grinned and plopped down next to him on the couch where he sat, sprawled watching tv.

"How was your date?" He asked, pulling her into his arms.

"It wasn't a ... it was fun." She smiled and inhaled his scent. One night away and already she had started missing him.

"Hey, guess who called?"

"Joe Rogan." He nuzzled her neck, kissing it softly but stopped.

"Who?"

"I applied to Fear Fac ... never mind."

"Iris." He breathed, lightly touching the skin behind her ear, causing goosebumps to spring up.

"Yeah?" She pulled away slightly, wanting to hear more.

"Eric's a match." He pulled her closer, gently teasing the hem of her shirt.

"No way!" Abby pulled away and looked at him excitedly. Luka nodded, grinning.

"Wow." She breathed. Amazing. Who would have thought? She flung her arms around his neck, kissing him hard. Great news. Absolutely fantastic. Breathlessly, she pulled away.

"When did she call?"

"This morning."

"And?"

"And that's all she said. Said she'd call back later." She paused, a hand to her mouth, absorbing it all. Her eyes seemed glazed as she stared into the distance letting it all sink in. Suddenly, she looked up at him and laughed, a huge belly, laugh, full of joy and relief.

"What are you watching?" She giggled and he realized she was referring to the television.

"Uh ... MTV."

"Why?" But before he could reply she burst into another fit of giggles.

"Wow." She breathed in awe.

"How does she _do_ that?"

"I could do that." He boasted.

"I'm so sure."

"No, really. It's not so hard."

"Prove it." He waggled his eyebrows and with overdramatic bravado, got to his feet and swayed his hips back in forth. He watched her and he felt his chest compress with delight at the look of glee on her face. She threw her head back, laughing unabashedly, one hand clutching her swollen belly, her shoulders moving up and down in rhythm to her laughter. God, he loved to see her this way. Spontaneously he grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet.

"Your turn." He teased.

"Nuh uh." She shook her head amidst a fit of giggles. Ignoring her protests he pulled her against him and continued to sway back and forth.

"See? Your hips don't lie." He teased her and they continued to laugh and sway to the rhythm.

* * *

"Abby, we're going to miss our flight if you don't hurry up." Luka called impatiently. 

"I know, I know, I'm coming!" Abby called. She stood on the scale, checking the number one last time just to make sure she wasn't imagining things. Nope. Still there. 133 lbs. One. Hundred. Thirty. Three. The number repeated itself in her head. Over and over again. Damn. With a reluctant sigh she stepped off the evil metal messenger of horrible news and joined Luka in the bedroom.

"You set?"

"Yep."

"Okay, come on. The taxi's waiting."

* * *

"Are you nervous?" Luka asked, as he watched Abby absently crack her knuckles and stare out the window. 

"No, I've flown before."

"I mean about the banquet." He clarified. The plane hadn't left the terminal yet but Abby's agitation seemed to grow with every passing second. She looked at him, frowing.

"How could you tell?" She asked, seemingly unaware of her nervous habits. He tried to suppress a grin.

"Intuition." She smiled slowly and nodded after a beat.

"What of?" He asked, trying not to be too forceful. She shrugged, unsure.

"People ... family." She admitted and lowered her eyes. Luka nodded, understanding and put a protective hand on her thigh. Abby had had a less than ideal family experience. Family, to her, was synonymous with pain. So to be opening herself up to this foreign experience of intiating a relationship with a family member was, understandably, frightening.

Much to his delight, Abby managed to sleep for an hour during their flight. She hadn't been getting much sleep lately. Now that she had hit her third trimester, her discomfort was increasing. She slept better in the day because the baby wasn't as active then, but she rarely got a chance to nap. He had tried to encourage her to take it easy for the remainder of her pregnancy but the most she had agreed to was reducing her hours to 8 hour shifts instead of 12. Curled up snugly in her seat, her head resting on him he smiled softly and caressed her hair. At his height of 6"4, there was no other way to fly but business class. Abby on the other hand, despite her advanced pregnancy, looked quite small in the large leather seat. Her delicate features, accentuated by the soft light shining through the thick glass window. Careful not to wake her, he reached over and rested the palm of his hand on her belly. Firm and taut, filled with the aftermath of their love. God, she was beautiful. And with that thought, he managed to doze for a few minutes himself.

"Abby." He gently touched her shoulder, urging her to wake up.

"Hmm?"

"Abby, wake up." He hated to wake her.

"Five more minutes." She grumbled, still refusing to open her eyes.

"Abby, we're about to land." He smiled. This was their normal routine every morning only this time they were thousands of feet above the ground. Finally, she rubbed her eyes and yawned dramatically.

"I have to pee."

"We're about to land." He pointed to the glowing seat belt light.

"Crap." She groaned and sat up straighter, a grimace on her face.

"Can you wait until then?" He asked.

"I guess I'll have to." She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest glumly.

"This sucks." She whined after a beat.

"I know, just a few more minutes." He assured her.

"No, not that." She groused.

"We didn't get a chance to join the mile high club." She continued.

"The what?"

"I'll explain on the flight home." She grinned.

* * *

"It'll be okay." He whispered softly. They were nearing the The Pierre where the Fundraising Gala for ALL was being held and Abby was incredibly nervous. He had taken her hand in his and felt the damp perspiration in her palm. She hardly nodded, acknowledging his presence. This was it. She would meet her sister's family. She couldn't quite figure out why it scared her so much but it did. Iris. Her sister. Iris' family. The thoughts were spinning in her head. Every insecurity seemed to have surfaced and she was terrified. 

"You know Nick's parents are loaded?" She murmured craining her neck to look at Central Park.

"Who?"

"Nick. Her husband. His parents are filthy rich." The limousine was at a standstill. Many more stretch limos were lining the crowded 5th Avenue street outside of the Hotel.

"Okay ..." He didn't understand why that was a factor.

"Hey, you know we could still bail."

"We're already here" He grinned.

"No seriously. We could find a nice secluded bench in Central Park ..." She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Nice try." He shook his head. At that the chauffeur exited the car and held their door open.

"You ready for this?" Luka asked her. She sighed and pursed her lips, shaking her head.

"Do I look okay?" She asked nervously.

"You look ... amazing." He murmured softly. She rolled her eyes but it was true. She was radiant. They'd gotten to their hotel before noon, in time for lunch and a complimentary massage and facial with manicure and pedicure for Abby. The relaxation time had done wonders for her. Coupled with her already beautiful pregancy glow and she was absolutely stunning. Her dress, which he had insisted they splurge on accentuated her beautiful new curves wonderfully and her hair, which she normally pulled back in the ER fell in loose waves around her shoulders. She was a radiant, sensual madonna. If only she knew how great she looked.

"Come on." He reached over, laid a gentle kiss on her lips and emerged from the car, extending his arm to her.

Hand in hand, they looked ever so sophisticated. Flashes went off, people milled about and if her hand hadn't been clutching his in a vicelike hold, he wouldn't have known how frightened she was.

"This thing is a Cancer Fundraiser?" He murmured, in awe of the glitz and glamour that surrounded them.

"Yep." Abby nodded, with a sigh.

"If they spent half of the money on cancer research that they did on hosting this ..." He began

"I know." She interrupted him glumly. He paused, looking down at her.

"Trust me, I know." She shook her head and rolled her eyes with disgust. Together they continued, making their way into the hotel's luxurious entrance.

"You've been to one of these things before?" He asked. She nodded, looking around.

"With Carter." She responded absently, pulling him in the direction of the ballroom.Of course. He should have realized.

Luka was getting increasingly more uncomfortable. He was a fish out of water and he was beginning to understand Abby's reluctance to participate in such a high society gala. He was suffocating in the pretentious atmosphere. A cigar in one hand, a glass of champagne in the other, he stood, trying to speak as little as possible with the group of affluent men around him. Nick, his self-proclaimed brother in law had dragged him to the smoking room; something of a men's only lounge where they, the pompous ove-privileged men, discussed, money, politics and women. Not a word had been spoken about the reason behind the evening. Not even Nick, who's own son suffered from the deadly illness, had brought up the subject of ALL or cancer research. Only a couple of years ago, Luka would have gladly joined in in the drunken analysis of a woman's anatomy but now he was put off by the subject. The sexy cocktail waitresses did nothing for him.

"My wife knows, but pretends she doesn't." An anonymous man bragged about his affair.

"Seriously?" Another asked.

"Oh yeah. It's a win-win situation for her highness. Still gets the perks of marriage without having to comply to her wifely duties. Plus, her folks are Catholic so there's no way she'll get a divorce."

Luka downed some more champagne as he endured the hooting and high-fives that followed the man's confession. Saved by the waiter.

"Sir, your wife asks that you join her. She's about to make her speech." The man had approached Nick who nodded, rolled his eyes towards his buddies and headed back towards the ballroom. Luka took the opportunity and followed him.

"There you are." Abby whispered as he slipped into his seat next to her. Holding hands under the table, they listened intently to Iris' heart-wrenching speech about Dylan, ALL and how it affected her life. Finally, Nick joined her and together they presented the National Cancer Institue with a two million dollar check for continuing research. Luka was suprised to see Abby dab her eye with a napkin, as Iris, tears rolling down her cheeks, completed her speech and made her way down the podium. After a few more generous donations were given and long-winded speeches delivered, the music began, and the mood turned much more joyous. Despite her original misgivings, Abby seemed to be having a great time. She and Iris walked, hand in hand, greeting people and laughing. Both were gorgeous, eliciting approving stares from fellow attendees. Abby, in her high waisted, low cut, prussian blue dress and Iris, in her elegant midnight frock were picture perfect and now, more than ever, he could see the family resemblance.

"I'm exhausted." Abby murmured, as they stood off to one side as people continued to mill about and the ballroom filled with dancing couples. She leaned against him, softly, shifting her weight.

"We can go home if you want." He whispered, silently wishing that they would.

"Yeah?" She asked hopefully and looked up at him smiling.

"You looked like you were having fun." She commented. Luka snorted.

"I'm a great actor." He grinned.

"Oh, I know." She smirked.

"I remember Hamlet." Grinning, he pulled her closer and laid a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Oooh." Abby whispered and pulled away excitedly.

"Feel that." She smiled and moved his hand to the side of her belly. Her eyes wide with anticipation.

"Feel it?" She asked, her hand above his.

"Yeah." He breathed, excitedly. He never got tired of feeling his baby move. The novelty couldn't get old. Together they stood, hands clasped, feeling the movements of their little child.

"Abby!" They were startled from their reverie by Iris, who was rushing towards them excitedly.

"There you are!" She grinned and smiled at Luka graciously.

"Come meet my parents." She urged. For a moment Luka felt Abby recoil, but with a squeeze of her hand, they both followed Iris to the handsome looking couple standing several yards away.

"Mom, Dad." Iris could hardly suppress the excitement in her voice.

"This is Abby and Dr. Kovac." She beamed, proudly.

"This is my mom, and dad Sarah and Elliott Baudric."

"Nice to meet you." Abby smiled dutifully and shook their hands.

"Oh darling! Look at her!" Sarah cried and pulled Abby in for a surprise hug.

"You are just the spitting image of our Iris here." She smiled broadly, and turned to her husband who nodded in agreement.

"The pictures she brought home didn't do you justice. Gorgeous. Just gorgeous. Isn't she a pretty little thing?" Sarah exclaimed at Elliott who, again, nodded in agreement. And so it continued. An ebullient Sarah was just overjoyed to meet her daughter's sister and insisted on introducing her to every single acquaintance withing a 500 yard radius. Luka tried to suppress a smile at the continuous pleading looks Abby would shoot him from various tables. He, on the other hand was trapped in an equally enviable predicament, talking stocks with Iris' father, who except for poker and golf, had only one major interest; Wallstreet.

"Now Abby here is an ER doctor in Chicago." Sarah gushed to yet another important friend.

"Chicago? No!" The woman gasped.

"Nina's husband used to work in Chicago." The women chattered away, and Abby smiled and nodded absently, trying to keep her mind off of her aching feet.

"Beautiful home ... became a journalist ... she was a member of the Junior League ... rest her soul." Abby only captured snippets of the conversation. She tried to catch Luka's attention but he seemed engrossed in a conversation with Iris' father and another gentleman. She sighed. She was ready to climb into bed.

"No, he went to Asia or Africa or Alaska or something. Poor boy. Inerited his dear Grandmother's money and just took off, leaving the family finances in a shamble." Abby stiffened at the familiarity of this gossip.

"Oh yes, chased after some ethnic girl, I hear. Dreadful story." Another woman continued.

"And to think, Millicent just adored him." Another one chimed in. Abby felt her stomach clench. Were the Carters really that ubiquitous? She tried to drown out the rest of the conversation. She simply wasn't intersted in hearing about his life through the eyes of these overprivileged madames. One they were sufficiently distracted, she managed to extricate herself from their graps and weaved her way through the tuxedos and stilettos back to the table. She cursed her belly silently as she attempted to maneuver in between clusters of people. What a hindrance it could be sometimes; her extra 23 lbs. There was a beautiful little garden that she was trying to escape to. She was beginning to feel a bit nauseous and the fresh air was calling to her. She was sure her ankles were the size of melons by now but refused to look down to check. She had one goal, a quaint little bench out on the veranda by a tree. Taken off guard by the sudden movement, she was nearly knocked over as she passed through the open french doors by a woman angrily entering the building from the garden outside. After looking back to see the woman hurrying through the ballroom, she absently placed a hand on her belly and turned back to the garden, closing her eyes as the cool midnight breeze caressed her face.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" The voice interrupted her just steps away from the bench that was her coveted oasis.

"Fine." She nodded and then she saw his face and for a moment she was sure she was going to vomit.

"Abby?" She could only stand there, frozen.

"Is that really you?" He stepped closer to her, more into the light and then every trace of hope that maybe, just maybe she had been wrong, were torn to shreds.

"Richard." She nodded, forcing the lump of bile down her throat.

"Wow. Look at you!" He smiled jovially. She managed to force her mouth into a tight smile in return. Her insides were churning. Her head spinning. Why him? Of all people.

"What are you doing here?" He grinned curiously.

"Just in town for the fundraiser." She found herself replying, robotically.

"You?"

"Oh, I live here now. Got a surgery position at New York Presbyterian." He nodded still smiling.

"Wow! Congratulations. That's ... that's great." He was being polite so there was no reason for her not to be.

"Thanks." He grinned.

"What about you?" He asked good-naturedlly.

"You still a nurse?" She stiffened slightly.

"No. Uh, I've been back in med school for a few years now." She nodded.

"Oh. Well good for you." He nodded.

"Yeah ... you co-signed my loan. Remember?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Ha! That's right." He chuckled and shook his head bringing his martini glass to his lips.

"I didn't think you'd actually go through with it though." He grinned.

"Right." Asshole.

"Well it was nice seeing you again Richard." She spoke tersely and turned to leave.

"Ah, come on Abs. I'm just kidding." He smiled, touching her on the arm. Moving out of his grasp she stepped closer to the doors, heading back inside.

"Ever the ice queen." He muttered as she walked away. She froze. Something inside her shifted and she clenched her fists tightly fighting with herself. It wasn't worth it. She told herself to let it go. She knew it was pointless. Some people never change. Placing a protective hand on her belly, she squared her shoulders and continued back into the hotel, leaving him behind. She was the second woman to walk away from him that night.

* * *

"Let's go home." She murmured to Luka who was sitting chatting animatedly with Iris' father and a few other men. He politely excused himself and walked a few feet away. 

"Is everything okay?" He asked, once out of earshot, his concern lacing his voice. Nodding, she avoided his eyes.

"Yeah. I'm just tired." She smiled and tried to lead him away.

"Whoa, whoa. Abby." He took her by the elbow and pulled her closer to him. He knew her well enough to know that everything was not okay.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice low and caring, his eyes boring into her. He saw a flicker of sadness flood her eyes.

"Abby ..."

"Luka. Can we leave please?" She spoke, her tone cold and distant. For an instant he contemplated urging her to share but then thought better of it. He lowered his eyes and acquiesced.

"Yeah. Come on." He pursed his lips and she nodded gratefully.She just needed to get the hell out of there.

* * *

**Read and Review please! I'd really appreciate it. In fact! I'll even send you some delicious cyber pseudo-treats! Eh? How could you pass that up? **


	11. The Semantics of Love

**Thanks for being patient during the long wait. I had a really hard time trying to write something upbeat, especially after the finale. This chapter, though not terribly depressing, branches off into a slightly different style than I'm used to. I don't know why, but it just came out that way! Let me know what you think, please! Anyhow, this is set immediately after my previous chapter and in ER time is set somewhere between 1219 - No Place to Hide and 1221 - The Gallant and the Tragic Victor. Let me know if anything is confusing and I'll try to fix it.**

**Disclaimer: **_This chapter has quite a bit of sexual content. Nothing too explicit, I think, but if it offends you, please let me know and I'll change the fic rating to M. I'd say this chapter is nothing more than PG13, but I could be wrong. _

* * *

"Abby." He groaned, as he hovered above her on the sofa in their hotel suite. They hadn't spoken more than a handful of words on the ride back to the hotel but the instant they had stepped through the thresh hold they had tackled each other passionately like honeymooners alone for the first time. It wasn't until they were half-naked, splayed awkwardly together on the sofa that he had realized something was wrong. 

"Abby, look at me." He murmured as he continued his slow, languid thrusts.

Finally, he paused and her dark, dusky eyes fluttered open, expectantly. His deep green eyes penetrated her and held fast, even as he pulled her higher and adjusted his grip on the back of her thigh. Not even as he laid a slick, sensuous kiss on her lips did he break his gaze. He could see the uncertainty and doubt lingering on her face as he gently pulled away, stood up and still, without breaking eye contact, pulled her to feet, only to delicately help her step out of her gown. Exquisite; that's what she was. Wearing nothing but a bejewled necklace. It reminded him of a scene in a movie he had seen once. Only she was, by far, more beautiful and more sensual than any movie star. With her swollen breasts and taut round belly; she was the epitome of sexuality. Her eyes searched his silently as he finished undressing himself. Together, they stood, inches apart. The heat between them nearly palpable - and still, he simply gazed at her. She wanted nothing more than to look away. Never had she felt so vulnerable, so utterly naked as she did at that moment.

Taking her hand, he gently led her further into the suite, but not to the large King Sized bed. No. Instead, he continued towards the large bathroom and there, after turning on the lights he positioned himself behind her, his hands protectively on her shoulders, so they were staring at themselves in the enormous mirror before them. He could see the furl in her brow, the discomfort in her stature and yet he refused to relinquish her eyes.

Ever so gently, he let his arms drop and slowly trail down her arms and across her chest. Lips pursed, a slight frown on her face, all Abby could do was stare, confounded. Slowly his warm hands slid over her belly, caressing her and their child simultaneously. Every touch, every breath he took, he hoped would elicit understanding from Abby. But still she looked uncomfortable as though she were simply tolerating this. Eyes still locked in the mirror he let his hands speak for themselves as he caressed her body. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, he gently laid a soft kiss on her shoulder, turned off the light and led her back into the bedroom. Done, she thought.

Instead he led her to the large, soft bed and merely pulled back the thick downy comforter, silently urging her to climb in. Utterly stoic, he simply gazed as she curled up on her side, waiting for him to join her. With only a hint of a smile he took a hold of all the bedding and tossed it casually on the floor. He could see her forehead furl in confusion and a flicker of fear cross her beautiful features.

Urging her to her knees, he too kneeled in front of her, lovingly cupping her face in his hands. She opened her mouth as if to speak but was silenced by his lips on hers. He shook his head softly. He could tell this was difficult for her and part of him felt guilty but he didn't stop. After rearranging a multitude of pillows behind her, he nodded for her to lay back. Beginning just above her trim triangle, he laid a trail of kisses up her body pausing momentarily when a small movement reminded him joyously that they were not alone. The closer he got to her mouth, the louder he could hear her heart beating. Despite her silence, he could see that she was shaking ever so slightly. Positioning himself above her, the soft lights illuminating her face just right, he brought his lips to hers. Deliberate and slow yet wholly carnal and raw he allowed his mouth to devour hers entirely. Gently, he slipped his hand between her thighs and only when he heard a small gasp did he pull his lips away from hers. Her eyes wide, her eyebrows furled, she begged him silently for answers. He could only nod and bring his hand to lips to taste her exquisiteness.

Preparing her with his eyes, he waited for her to nod before entering her ... slowly, filling her completely. Her chest heaved as he lay there above her, suspended in that moment, his eyes refusing to allow her refuge behind closed lids. His thrusts were achingly slow and deliberate. His dark face, full of dedication and concentration. Deep and precisely rhythmic he paused the instant her eyes fluttered closed. They snapped open, wide and desperate for answers as he gazed at her, lips pursed, barely blinking.

As his rhythm accelerated and his face began to lose it's stoic quality, she began to understand. This wasn't about voyeurism; it was about connecting. At first it had been difficult for her to maintain the ardent eye contact. It was extraordinarily terrifying. He had stripped her of every last defense and was reveling in the open wounds. As they approached their peak together she found it hard to believe she had ever wanted to close her eyes. They were in a trance; a world of their own. Wholly suspended in a single time, a single place. Locked together, they existed only for this. For one purpose. One time, frozen for eternity, like a distorted scene in a snow globe. This was all that mattered. He was all that mattered. _They_ were all that mattered.

And together they came, their eyes locked in a battle of desperation and love.

Still struggling for breathe and sweating from exertion, Luka was alarmed to see Abby finally release the hold that had kept their eyes locked on one another. A pearl in the sand; a single tear trickled down her cheek and stained the pillow.

"I'm sorry." She whimpered, nearly indaudibly.

"Abby." He murmured, concerened. Gently, he turned her face to look at him once more, his eyes brimming with concern and compassion. He couldn't read her. Her misty eyes, were filled with an imbroglio of emotions he had hardly glimpsed before in her. Now it was his turn to beg her silently for answers to his unspoken questions. Finally, after a few more tears settled around her, she let out a weak smile. Her warm hand, reached up to his face, lovingly caressing him. Understanding, he settled to her right on the bed and pulled her close to his body. They lay in silence, covered only by a small glistening layer of sweat until Luka was convinced she had fallen asleep and shifted his weight so he could retrieve the discarded bedding. As he climbed underneath the disheveled covers, he was surprised to see that her eyes were open.

"Thank you." She murmured and he made out a flicker of a hint of a smile in the dark.

"Thank _you._" He smiled appreciatively, laying a final lingering kiss on her lips before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

He was surprised and slightly disappointed to find himself alone in bed when he woke up. Following the scent of coffee, he found her, a blanket pulled around her, absently sipping at a mug of tea and staring out the window. 

"It's decaf." She informed him as he approached her. Shrugging, he helped himself to a mug anyway. They had nothing terribly pressing to do; there was no real reason for caffeine. Sitting next to her, he sipped at his drink quietly, watching her as she stared thoughtfully - seeing things he could only wish she would share.

"He was out of town when I realized I was pregnant." She broke the silence suddenly, her voice quiet and nearly emotionless.

"Supposedly at a medical conference or something." She shook her head and stirred her tea aimlessly.

"I waited three days before calling him." She pulled the blanket more tightly around her.

"Figured he might call to check in ... but he never did. So, I finally broke down and called his cell phone." She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. It was all Luka could do to keep from pulling her into his arms but he knew she needed to be free and affection ... comfort, could wait.

"Some girl answered the phone ... I don't know why I was surprised. I guess I had just been lying to myself." Again, she shook her head as if, shaking herself free of her memories.

"He got on the phone and yelled at me for interrupting his 'meeting.' **He** yelled at **me.**" A caustic laugh.

"And I was just so amazed at how he had manipulated the situation like that ... I just took it ... and hung up." Luka worried that she would make her lip bleed from the way she was biting it.

"I scheduled the abortion the next day." She continued after a long pause. Her eyes had taken on a soft glisten, indicative of her unshed tears.

"He got home and we pretended like nothing had ever happened." She blinked repeatedly, trying to hold them back.

"We just stopped talking." More pointless stirring of the tea.

"The only way we ever connected ... communicated ... was through sex." The tears continued to well, impairing her eyesight.

"We couldn't talk with each other, but boy could we fuck." An empty, angry laugh echoed in the silence.

"Because that's what it was, Luka: fucking." Finally, she looked at him.

"It was our only venue of communication ... how we expressed all the anger and hatred we had for each other." Her voice cracked and she looked away, silent for a few moments until she spoke again.

"It was this twisted dance of violence and resentment ... and it wasn't until a co-worker noticed the bruises on my wrists that I realized how out of hand it had gotten." A hand to her forehead in shame.

"Even then ... it was months until I finally filed the papers." The deep concern in his eyes made her look away. She knew she would lose it if she saw the sympathy on his face.

"It was never anything but consensual, Luka." She defended before continuing.

"But uh ...we never made love." She admitted, her eyes still averted from his. Slowly, gathering her courage, she met his eyes with hers.

"Never." She repeated.

"I don't think I ever have ... with anyone." Finally, the stubborn tears were let loose and they carved a clear, crystalline path down her cheek.

"Abby." He leaned forward but she stopped him with her hand.

"Wait." Her amber eyes glistening with tears, she held his arm and gazed directly into his dark emerald spheres.

"Not until you, Luka. You." She spoke earnestly ... desperately.

"And I didn't know Luka." The dam had flooded; her tears were now streaming down her face.

"I didn't know." She whimpered again as he pulled her into his arms, letting her bury her face into his chest.

"And I'm sorry for pulling a Meredith Grey last night ..." She sobbed.

"I just ...it was ... " And she looked up at him, desperation on her face.

"That's how it's supposed to be isn't it?" The tears continued.

"Isn't it?" She demanded. A small nod on his part. She buried her head in his chest once more, crying softly as he caressed her head, and rocked her gently until her tear ducts were nearly exhausted.

"God. All these years ..." she finally pulled away, a wan smile on her face. "and I was practically a virgin." She grinned. A low chuckle on his part elicited a shy grin from her. Sitting up straighter in his lap, she straddled his legs and like a small child vying for attention, she took his face in her hands so he could look nowhere but at her.

"Thank you." She murmured softly ... serenely. This was it, she thought. This was love. And she had never been so right.

* * *

**Alrighty ... so? What do you think? A bit too explicit? I hope not. A bit too confusing? Again, I really hope not. Please let me know what you think. This was a rather difficult chapter for me to write and I'd really appreciate feedback. Any kind of feedback, really. You hated it? Think I suck? Fine. Tell me ... just let me know why so I can try to fix it. ; ) And if you liked it? Hey, even better! But please, let me know so I can I can continue with what works. Thanks for your time and patience. I _really_ appreciate it.**


	12. Second Chances

**Well, here it is ya'll. The final chapter. Hope it meets expectations. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews!   
This takes place before Clemente's meltdown and prior to Gallant's death.  
**

* * *

Just when Abby was absolutely certain that chivalry was dead and it would take nothing less than King Arthur himself to get her a seat on the EL, a young man, a cell phone to his ear, a briefcase in his lap, scampered to his feet and motioned for her to sit down. She nodded gratefully and sighed heavily as she sat down. It was mid-morning, her shift hadn't even started yet and already she was tired. She could feel the tension in her lower back and the beginning of a headache. Closing her eyes, she tried not to think about the long day ahead of her. She hated to admit it but maternity leaving was actually sounding rather appealing at the moment.  
She gingerly made her way down the steps and headed towards the ambulance bay. It was an especially warm spring and the humidity in the air made the atmosphere feel slow and sluggish which was a big contrast to what she found upon stepping through the sliding glass doors. There was an infectious excitement in the air. Laughter.

"Morning Jerry." She smiled at the loveable lug of a man, manning the phones.

"Abby, just in time." He grinned, holding up an ethnic wooden flute.

"Carter's in the lounge." He informed her excitedly, motioning to where she could see a cluster of nurses through the lounge window.

"Alright, that's enough. Back to work!" Kerry groused, ushering the swooning nurses out of the lounge.

"There's an MVA coming in." She announced. Since her surgery, Kerry had taken to hovering around the ER at rather inconvenient times.

"Morning Abby." She nodded pleasantly as Abby waited for the last of the nurses to file out. She nodded graciously and after a moment's pause, walked through the doors. Hunched over a dark duffel bag, he didn't notice her come in. Slowly, she walked to her locker.

"Hey stranger." He heard a familiar voice and his head snapped up. There she was, her arms crossed in front of her, her hair, longer and darker now, falling loosely around her shoulders, a warm smile on her face.

"Hey you!" He grinned excitedly and leaping to his feet, pulled her in for a big hug. He held her tight, breathing in her scent. She felt so familiar in his arms. It was great to be home. Pulling away, slowly, they gazed at each other, soaking in the differences in their respective appearances. His hair was shorter, Abby noticed. His skin, tan. He felt less gangly, more muscular but most of all, he seemed relaxed: at ease.

"Wow." He breathed, the familiar smirk, splaying across his face as he stepped back to take her in.

"You look great." He exclaimed truthfully. She did. Her face was slightly fuller, less gaunt, and her cheeks were full of color. Forever tiny, at least she wasn't waiflike. She had put on some much needed weight, her arms, her bust ... and of course the tell-tale sign: her belly. Firm and round, he had felt it pressed against him when he hugged her. Strange. He had never been able to imagine Abby pregnant ... yet there she was, buxom and brimming with a beautiful, becoming glow.

"Thanks." She rolled her eyes, casually brushing off the compliment.

"You too." She replied.

"I didn't ... know you were coming." She stammered after a slight pause.

"Me either." He grinned and raked a hand over his nearly non-existant hair.

"But uh, I really need to secure some shipments ... and there's a little foundation business I need to take care of before September ... so the timing worked out." He explained as she put her things away in her locker and pulled out her coat and stethoscope.

"Well, it's nice to see you again." She turned around to face him as she wrapped her stethoscope around her neck.

"How long are you staying?" She asked, adjusting her coat.

"A couple weeks." He smiled, sitting back down.

"Oh, cool." She responded flatly.

"Yeah ... we should get some coffee or something." He offered, smiling.

"I'd like that." She nodded, honestly.

"Well ... uh, I have to get to work but um, it's great to have you back, Carter. I'll catch you later." She nodded and exited the lounge. Wow.

* * *

They walked silently across the street. The awkwardness settling in the air like a thick dust cloud. 

"Did you get the birthday card?" Finally, he'd spoken. She looked up at him and nodded. Her lips pursed together.

"Yeah."

"Thirty-eight?" He asked, knowing perfectly well, that wasn't it.

"Thirty-seven." She corrected him then noticed the slight smirk on his face.

"Jerk." She half glared at him. He grinned. More silence.

"How long have you been back?" She asked.

"Two days."

"For how long?" She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"A few weeks." She nodded.

"Oh that's right ..." She had spaced.

"I'm just picking up supplies … and stuff."

"Yeah .." She half murmured.

"So how's everybody?" Small talk. Why could they only make small talk?

"Good." She nodded her head, a bit too vehemently.

"Neela and Gallant got married." She informed him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"It's about time. Good for them." And then the silence again. This would not do.

"What about you?" He asked.

"I'm not married." He chuckled. He missed that: her dry humor. She half-smiled at him in return.

"How are you doing?" He asked, pointedly.

"Fine." She replied.

"Fine?" What was with the monosyllable responses?

"Yeah, I'm good."

"So which one is it? Good or fine?"

"Both." She grinned slightly. There was a slight warmth beginning to return to her eyes now.

"I'm trying to get Luka to come back with me." Her eyes snapped up at his. A jolt of fear coursed through her body. "But he's Chief of Staff now …" He continued. She breathed out a small sigh of relief.

"And Morris is Chief Resident?" He asked amused.

"Yep." She responded, shaking her head at the thought.

"Wow." He mused faintly. "So much has changed." He had no idea.

He toyed with the napkin once more and sipped at his drink. She swirled the salt with her index finger. Neither knowing what more to say. So much had been spoken between them and so much had been left unsaid. Unsure, they chose to remain silent.

"Be right back." She spoke suddenly and scooted out of her seat. "Bathroom." He nodded and she walked towards the back of the bar. Sighing, he raked his hands through his hair. What was he to do? What could he say? He sat pondering it all, waiting for her return, hoping he would have the courage to finally speak the truth. So consumed was he by his thoughts that he didn't even notice her return.

"Yum." She smiled noticing that her food had come. He sat, nearly oblivious to her reappearance, he was so lost in his thoughts.

"Carter?" She asked once again and he was jostled from his reverie.

"You okay …?" She asked, concern lacing her face. He nodded, unconvincingly.

"How's Kem?" She asked once more. He hadn't seemed to have heard her the first time. That was all it took. Just her name and he plummeted back to reality. Trying to play it cool, he merely shrugged. His eyes met hers and he saw the question lingering there.

"We … we're married actually." His eyes locked with hers. Understanding, she nodded and took a bite of her salad.

"Congratulations. I'm happy for you." She muttered and to her surprise she found she really was.

"Hmm." He murmured. "How are you and … Luka" He asked trying not to pry but needing to know.

"Fine. He's Chief of Staff, so busy, but fine." She replied trying to keep it light.

"Whatever happened to that kid ... Jarod?" Carter smirked, teasingly.

"Jake." She corrected knowingly.

"He's in California." She continued.

"Oh. Too bad. I liked him." Carter grinned.

"Yeah. Right." She replied. They shared a small laugh and then the silence fell upon them once again. She continued to eat. After a few more bites of her salad she paused. She could feel his eyes on her. She shivered slightly. Uncomfortable. Looking up, she caught his eye.

"What?" She asked the discomfort increasing. His gaze left her feeling naked. He simply shook his head and looked down at his straw. She remained still, unsure, her fork balanced slightly in her hand. Even her jaw had stopped moving. She was just about to return to her food when he spoke.

"So, when are you due?" She nearly choked on her salad. His question rang in her ears. Clean and crisp. Just a flat out question. She took a moment to swallow her salad, which suddenly seemed made of rubber. It didn't help that her throat felt the size of an infant NG tube. She didn't understand why it suddenly made her uncomfortable to talk about. It's not as though it was a secret. It was pretty public knowledge. All one had to do was take a look at her belly to know but somehow, for some ridiculous, unknown reason it felt uncouth to speak about it with him. Of all people.

"July 22nd." She spoke, looking him straight in the eye, though the look on his face afterwards made her wish she hadn't and yet she simply couldn't look away. He swallowed, nodded and looked down. He hadn't prepared himself for this feeling of hurt and emptiness. It was all-encompassing. It didn't occur to him until later that this must have been what Abby had felt upon hearing about him and Kem.

"Carter …" She spoke, sympathetically. He hated that voice. It was the same voice that people used whenever they found out about Bobby or Joshua.

"No, it's okay. It's okay." He spoke rapidly, looking her in the eye, trying to make it believable.

"Congratulations." He spoke, very careful not to let his voice waver. "To you and … Luka." She breathed in. This was harder than she thought it would be.

"Thanks." There she said it. The air was heavy with anticipation. She studied his face carefully, trying to decipher his expression.

"It's about time." He joked and took a bite of his food. She froze, stunned. Abby felt the anger build up inside her. How did he dare to respond that way? It was beyond insensitive. It was cruel.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Her voice was icy and flat. His eyes snapped up, meeting hers. He immediately regretted his response. She was livid. An angry fire was flickering in her eyes … and then, suddenly, the regret washed away. Stone-faced he looked at her once more.

"Just, figures is all." He shrugged. She shook her head in fury.

"God, you are such an asshole." She muttered angrily under her breath as she stood up and walked away. Though soft and furious, the comment had been laced with disappointment. A disappointment that Carter felt himself mirroring. He sighed, angry with himself for having behaved in that manner. She was right.

* * *

"Shit." Abby muttered to herself as she walked out of Ike's. She had left her bag sitting in the booth. She pulled her coat tighter around herself despite the warm evening and tried to summon some courage and what was left of her pride to go back in. She breathed out, her breathe reminding her how much she missed smoking. She paced back and forth for a few steps before she finally turned around only to see Carter opening the door, holding her bag. 

They stood, feet away from each other, staring each other down. Each one, hurt and angry. Matador and bull, just waiting for the match to begin.

Almost like a peace offering, he held the bag out to her. She glared at him, hesitantly and slowly, took a step, and reached for it.

As soon as it was out of his hands, he spoke.

"Look, I shouldn't have said that. It was uncalled for." He was gazing at her with those puppy-dog eyes.

"Whatever, Carter." She began to turn on her heel. She just needed to go home.

"Abby." The voice that came from behind her sounded more like a child's than that of a grown man. Pausing, she waited. Waited for him to continue.

"Look, if you're happy, then I'm happy for you." She whirled around, the anger resurfacing once more.

"Why wouldn't I be happy?" She spat, accusingly.

"I …" He hadn't foreseen this reaction. "Forget it." He sighed.

"What Carter?" Her voice enunciating ever syllable venomously.

"I …I just didn't think you wanted kids that's all." He shrugged his shoulders. That was the truth.

"I didn't." She concurred.

"But now you do?"

"Now I do." Her face, elicited determination. He paused for a few moments letting it all sink in.

"Now that you're with Luka." She gaped at him, in shock. This was not happening. Not again.

"That has nothing to do with it!" She cried angrily.

"Doesn't it?"

"No!" She was furious now. "This _isn't _about you!" They stared each other down. Each furious. She lowered her voice and continued.

"This is about **me**, and Luka and the baby. _You_ were never a factor." That stung him like a vicious slap in the face.

"Well … you've made that abundantly clear …"

"No, Carter! _You_ made it clear. '_You don't need me Abby …Don't wait for me.' _Or don't you remember that?" Dear god. The letter. Carter couldn't breathe. He felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him.

"You were right, Carter. I don't need you. I never did."He stood, motionless, trapped in a vortex of pain.

"I'm sorry." There. He had said it. She closed her eyes and then she felt him right behind her. Gently he put a hand on her elbow and turned her around to face him. Looking up into those brown eyes of his, she felt lost once again. They stood, eyes locked, time suspended in a matrix-like hold until finally, logic returned to Abby's mind.

"I have to head back." She muttered blankly.

"Do you need a ride?"

"No, I'm going to wait until Luka gets off."

"Oh ... are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay." She turned. She wanted to hide in the on call room.

"Abby ... I really am sorry." He muttered lamely as she took her first steps. She paused yet again, the fury that had dissipated quickly culminating again.

"Sorry for what?" She turned and glared accusingly. He stared blankly, shocked at her agression.

"For what Carter? You keep apologizing and I don't know what for." She demanded softly, daring him with her eyes. He was trapped. What could he say? 'For everything' just didn't seem appropriate. She sighed. Lowered her eyes. And with a finale glance walked away.

* * *

Luka was surprised, but not at all displeased to find her sleeping completely nude, curled horizontally on the bed, hugging a pillow. Her dark hair splayed over the comforter and across her shoulder. Her bottom lip, full and moist. Her breathing soft and even.  
After readying himself for bed as quietly as he could, he stood over her, contemplating the best way to move her without waking her up but she began to stir before he could decide. 

"Luka?" She murmured, her voice hoarse with sleep.

"Shh. It's okay. Go back to sleep." He murmured as he helped her underneath the covers.

"What time is it?" She asked, her eyes squinting at the clock.

"Are you just now getting home?" She asked rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah. We had an MVA come in just as I was about to leave." He explained and pulled her close to him reassuring him. She rested her head on his chest, snuggling into the crook of his arm.

"I was waiting up for you."

"What for?" He asked, smiling.

"I missed you." She murmured. He smiled to himself, and absently caressed her soft skin.

"You know what I missed most?" She continued.

"What?" He humored her.

"This." She sighed.

"Snuggling?" He asked.

"No ... well that too. I mean being." He chuckled.

"Being?"

"Yeah. Just being. Together. Or apart. But you let me be. Be myself and I appreciate that ... a lot."

"Okay."

"Thank you for not trying to change me."

"I don't want to change you."

"I know. Thank you."

Silence. A pause. He was amazed at how much she had just opened up to him. He wanted to ask what had brought this on be he thought he knew why anyway. He felt her body relax against him. The silence thick and comfortable, enveloping them in its warmth.

"Luka?" She asked. Her voice low and sleepy.

"Hmm?" He asked, still caressing her arm and shoulder.

"Do you really believe that everything happens for a reason?"

She thought, that maybe he hadn't heard, he was silent for so long.

"Yes." He murmured.

"We're here, together, right now, despite of and because of many good and bad things ... I have no regrets." He finished.

"None?" She seemed surprised.

"None."

"I do." She barely whispered.

"Do you think we'd be here right now if we hadn't broken up the way we did?

"Wow ... heh. I don't know." He sighed.

"Maybe not." He added.

"I'm sorry that we hurt each other, Abby. And for a while I was sorry we broke up, but looking back now, I think it was for the best. We both needed to grow and learn and _be ..._ and being together wasn't helping us do that. And it's a good thing we did otherwise we wouldn't have gotten this second chance ... and it's a pretty great chance we got."

"It is isn't?"

"Oh yes."

* * *

**Well, that's all folks. Sorry if it's disappointing but with the premiere in less than a week I thought it was best to put this thing out of its misery. Thank you all for your wonderful support. I really appreciate it. **


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